


Yours, Mine & Ours

by LuffyKun3695



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Timeline, F/M, InoSakuNaru, Love Triangle, M/M, Multi, NaruIno, NaruSaku - Freeform, NaruSakuIno, SakuNaruIno
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-10-28
Packaged: 2017-12-30 19:56:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1022761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuffyKun3695/pseuds/LuffyKun3695
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto arrives back in Konohagakure after a mission, only to discover he has no place to live! That is, until Ino suggests he move in with her. Sakura returns to discover this awkward living situation. Is that jealousy, Sakura-Chan?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wanna Be My Roomie?

**Author's Note:**

> This story did really well on FanFiction.net and I thought it would be fun to try and post it here as well. This plot was suggested by a friend who thought it would be funny if Sakura and Ino fought over Naruto instead of Sasuke.
> 
> Anyone who knows me knows that Naruto/Sakura is and always will be my favorite couple in Naruto, but over the years (and while writing this story) I have formed a soft spot for Naruto/Ino as well. 
> 
> Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto  
> Fiction © LuffyKun3695

  
Chapter One: _Wanna Be My Roomie?_  


"WHAT!?" The blonde ninja shouted, exasperatedly. He pounded his hands on the Hokage's desk, sending a few papers flying in his frustration. "What do you mean I don't have a place to live!? I was only gone six months on that mission!"

Eighteen year old Uzamaki Naruto was in the Hokage's office. Tsunade frowned, biting her pink slicked lower-lip in thought. She combed her matching pink fingernails through her pale, snow-colored hair looking up into the glowing blue eyes of the young boy. "I'm sorry Naruto, but your house was condemned!" Tsunade told him.

"WHY!?" he asked, stamping his feet like a child, too frustrated to act his age.

The snow haired Hokage raised an eyebrow, "Hon, when you went on your mission, you left thirty-two bowls of cooked ramen in an open refrigerator! A group of rodents got into it and ate everything you own. They moved in and shit over everything. It's really nasty, Naruto, you don't want to go there" She explained, pinching her nose in disgust at the thought. 

"Where am I supposed to go!?" he demanded, his voice choked with would-be tears. He folded his arms over his chest and tugged at his sleeves, yanking at the stray fibers. 

"I don't know kiddo, why don't you stay with a friend?" Tsunade suggested. She gave him a sympathetic look, her brown eyes full of empathy. 

"I CAN'T! Sasuke, Sakura, _and_ Kakashi are on a mission together!!!" Naruto said, sulkily. The blonde sighed, running his fingers through his hair anxiously as if trying to pull the stress from his follicles. Tsunade watched his behavior with interest. Over the years, Naruto had become a respectable adult. He was much taller than in his youth. His face, no longer round and childish, had elongated and filled out. His body was tough, but sleek and wiry. Though, at that moment, with tears at the corners of his huge, cerulean eyes, Tsunade could've mistaken him for the twelve year old boy she'd met seven years prior.

"Look, Naruto" Tsunade sighed, brushing a stray piece of hair from her pallor face "Maybe I can help you a bit?" 

"R-Really?!" Naruto's pouty face disappeared instantly and was replaced with a look of joy. He clasped his hands together and bounced on the balls of his feet like a small puppy on a sugar high. Had he had a tail, it would've been wagging.

She shuffled through some papers on her desk, scanning their contents, all the while speaking, "I have a list of everyone's living situations. I can tell you a few people who are living by themselves and you can see if they'll let you stay until you find a place of your own." She informed him.

"That sounds great!" Naruto grinned, his eyes crinkling with his smile. 

Tsunade returned the smile and continued, "Some shinobi living alone are Inuzaka Kiba, Aburame Shino, Sarutobi Konohamaru, and Nara Shikamaru" she read the names, yawning slightly. "I know you're familiar with them, as most of them went to the academy with you. I'm not going to give you any girls' names because the thought of you molesting those poor girls in their sleep disgusts me." she sneered at him, obviously baiting him. Naruto, of course, fell for it.

His face reddened with anger and shock. He protested, "HEY!" he shouted exasperatedly, snatching the paper from her hand, "I'm not a fucking perv!" he snarled heatedly.

"Says Jiraiya's protégé" Tsunade grinned evilly, her chocolate eyes twinkling. She tucked her pale hair behind her ears yet again and winked. "Now get out of here!"

"FINE!" Naruto glowered and stalked out amidst Tsunade's seemingly endless giggles, slamming the door behind him.

When Naruto left, Tsunade peered down at the paper in her hand again. She smiled and questioned aloud, "I do wonder though, how the little twerp would've faired if he were to room with Sakura or Ino"

\- 0 -

"KIBA! KIBA! YOU MOTHER FUCKER, LET ME IN!"

Naruto stopped pounding as the door opened to reveal Kiba. He leaned casually against the door frame, raising an eyebrow. He was dressed in a black T-Shirt with white lettering that read Dogged and a pair of plaid boxers. His hair was messed up, as if he'd just gotten out of bed. A bowl of cereal was clutched in his right hand. "What do you want?" he asked, derisively.

"I need a place to stay." Naruto pointed at his backpack, which was propped against his foot. 

"Forget it." 

"PWEASE KIBA-KUN!?" Naruto whined in his cutest voice, widening his sapphire eyes as much as they would go, putting on his best puppy dog pout. 

Kiba rolled his eyes, unimpressed. "Oh please! I _invented_ the puppy dog pout!" he frowned, shoveling a couple of spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth. Naruto's expression changed in a matter of seconds from a pout to a glare. His brow furrowed and he crossed his arms indignantly. 

"Come on, how many times have I bailed that flea-bitten ass of yours out of trouble?" Naruto asked, his tone scathing. 

Kiba rolled his eyes and sighed "Fine, just get in" he snapped. Stepping aside, he allowed Naruto to come into his house. The blonde shimmied around him and walked into the entrance hall. He looked around the house. Naruto nearly gasped.

The house was worse than his! It had the normal features of the bachelor pad: clothes strewn over the furniture, abandoned food containers littering the floor, bad lighting, and obviously broken products that took more effort and money to use than it would be to buy a new one. The thing that threw him off was the dog stuff! Bones, dog toys, cages, leashes, dog beds, bags of dog food and business were everywhere! 

"Wow" he whispered, scratching behind his ears.

"I know it's not a fucking suite, Naruto. Deal with it." Kiba scowled. He shoveled some more cereal into his mouth, his thick brow furrowed. He continued to speak, spewing bits of food over Naruto "'Oo can sleepf wif Akamaroo" 

Naruto glowered, wiping spit and the reminance of sugar coated sugar puffs from his face. "The dog!? Are you insane?" he glowered, his face contorting with his obvious distaste. Kiba frowned and placed his cereal bowl on a table, pushing a few pieces of clothing to the floor to make room for it. 

"Hey, if you wanna be picky, get the hell out of my house." Kiba placed his hands on his hips and jabbed his thumb towards the door. His brown eyes lowered in a glare, the red marks on his cheeks glowed with annoyance. Naruto sighed and closed his eyes, Kiba was getting pissed and he didn't need to be kicked out. 

"Sorry." Naruto apologized, rubbing the back of his head apologetically; wrapping his fingers in his blonde hair "I'll sleep with the dog" Kiba raised an eyebrow, a sly grin inching across his lips. "I MEAN I'LL SLEEP IN THE SAME BED AS THE DOG!" he shouted, trying to cover his blunder. Kiba laughed, his jerky attitude completely forgotten. 

"Just throw your shit anywhere," he winked, gesturing around the cluttered apartment, "Akamaru's bed is the one in the corner, Akamaru's out running right now, anyway." He said, indicating its location. Naruto followed his finger to the large dog bed, spotting something that threw him off guard.

"What's that?" 

"That'd be Ducky." Kiba smiled, laughing slightly. "It's Akamaru's stuffed duck, and if you value your extremities, I suggest you don't touch it."

"Oh okay" Naruto smiled weakly.

"But you can't stay for too long, a couple days, okay? I have to clean up, my family from the Village of the Wind is coming to stay next weekend and my parents want me to keep some of them here." Kiba told him, scratching behind his ears. He looked up at Naruto through his shaggy brown bangs, smiling so his spiked teeth glinted. 

Naruto nodded, "That's fine. I'll get out of your hair in a few days. I'm gonna look for my own place." He told him, patting his shoulder lightly. Kiba snorted. 

"That's cool. I'm gonna take a shower." Kiba stretched as he spoke, sniffing one of his pits lightly and wrinkling his nose. He clasped his fingers behind his head, his fingers entwined through his hair, elbows pointing upward. Naruto watched as he sidled through the house into a back room that he assumed was the bathroom.

Naruto yawned and looked around. It was then that he realized how tired he was, he threw his bag on the ground and kicked it aside into a random pile of clothing and magazines. He walked over to the empty dog bed, he made sure to avoid the duck as he lay down in a rolled up ball. He folded his hands behind his head in a makeshift pillow. In a few minutes his deep cobalt eyes grew heavy-lidded and he drifted into sleep.

\- 0 -

Before he opened his eyes, Naruto knew something was wrong. 

An extremely unpleasant smell hit his nostrils and his nose puckered. Still half asleep, he tried to roll over, thinking it was a bad dream, but he couldn't move. He desperately tried to push against the object that was pinning him, preventing his movement and ability to escape from the horrible smell that was filling his nostrils.

He opened his eyes to find himself face-to-face with the round pink anus of Akamaru. Naruto nearly screamed and desperately tried to push the huge fluffy dog off of his body, which only served to compress his lungs to a point where he could breath even less than he could with just the horrible odor. "GET OFF AKAMARU! GET OFF!" he screamed desperately.

Akamaru replied with a long, low sounding fart directly into his face. The smell of the gas nearly knocked him out as it filled his nostrils so fully that he could practically taste the disgusting scent.

The scream could be heard across the entire Village of Konoha.

"Naruto what happened? Oh my g-" Kiba shouted. He skidded into the room, soaking wet with a towel wrapped around his waist. He gasped at the sight of the blonde ninja pinned under his huge dog companion, face-to-ass. He wasn't sure if he should laugh at the situation, or pity the poor boy as he took a whiff of the scent in the air. "A-Akamaru! Get off him." he stuttered, biting his lip in an attempt not to laugh.

The giant white dog rolled off Naruto and grabbed his stuffed Duck, trotting over to the couch and laying in front of it, chewing on an old plastic take-out container. Kiba turned to his traumatized friend and smiled sheepishly. "So um how long did you say you were going to be staying?"

There were tears at the corners of his eyes, making them shine like sapphires. "I h-hate you so much right now"

Kiba looked at the boy sitting on his knees in the dog bed, tears in his eyes, biting his lip so hard it was bleeding. He reeked of shit and was ready to cry. Kiba burst out laughing, holding his dripping sides, his hands slipping on his slick waist. "Welcome home Naruto"

\- 0 -

Three days later, Naruto left Kiba's house. He sighed, "Thanks again, dude." He smiled at him. Kiba nodded, winking. Naruto bent down to pat Akamaru on the head, he whimpered, begging him not to leave. "I'll see ya later, buddy. Don't worry, keep an eye on Ducky for me." Akamaru barked in reply. 

Naruto sighed, turning his back on Kiba's house and looking down the street. As he walked, he fished a crumpled piece of paper out of his wallet. He read the names on it. Pulling a pen out of his other pocket, he scribbled out the top name on the list. 

~~Inuzaka Kiba~~  
Aburame Shino  
Sarutobi Konohamaru  
Nara Shikamaru

Okay, it seemed like Shino was next. Well, that wasn't too bad. He was quiet and didn't seem like he'd be much trouble. His house would definitely not be as loud as Kiba's. He lived near the south end of Konoha in a small apartment next to a rundown dirty bookstore Jiraiya secretly owned.

Naruto walked up to the brown, oak door. The sign on the mailbox read _Aburame_ , this was it! A few stray bugs crawled around the door bell; one fell off as he pressed it. He heard movement inside as a person rifled through the house to come to the door. Shino opened the door.

The blonde smiled at the quiet boy, waving. His glasses were low on his nose, revealing his questioning brown eyes. Shino cocked his head to the side, as if to ask, _What do you need?_ Naruto looked at the house behind the brunette, trying to get a feel for the place he was going to be living in.

Behind the teen, the black walls were moving. Naruto wondered if he was tripping for a second, but then he realized that the movement on the walls was millions of bugs. The walls were completely covered in bugs! When he looked down at Shino's feet he saw bugs crawling over the floor and his feet. The boy seemed _completely_ unfazed. 

Naruto swallowed his vomit and ran in the opposite direction, leaving Shino standing in the doorway, wondering what he wanted.

\- 0 -

"Oh Konohamaru!" a girl's scream shook the small apartment. Naruto covered his ears. AGAIN?! How many times could a sixteen year old go before he got tired? 

It had been four days since he'd moved into Konohamaru's apartment and he had gotten absolutely no sleep since doing so. Konohamaru, now sixteen years old, was still the same brash, annoying kid he'd always been. But evidently, since Naruto had seen him last, some of that sexy-no-jutsu had paid off for him because he was quite the ladies' man.

The kid had started dating his teammate, Moegi, and she was constantly spending the night. To put it in laymen's terms, she was a screamer, and though most kids hadn't grasped the term all-night-long in their teens, apparently, Konohamaru had

"HARDER! HARDER! AHH!" 

Naruto rolled over, pulling his pillow over his head. He felt like crying. When would it stop? Why did he have to leave that ramen out!? Why did ramen have to be so good? Why did animals have to get into it? Why couldn't Moegi lose her damn voice?! _Why was Konohamaru having sex on a daily basis when he was still a virgin!?_

He sighed. Well, it looked like he'd worn out his stay in the apartment. He didn't want to keep mooching off of people. Naruto wanted to find a steady roommate until he had a place. Someone he could live with and not feel like he was intruding.

"YES! Oh baby, yes!" 

Naruto couldn't take it anymore. He pushed himself up and grabbed his bag. He walked to Konohamaru's bedroom door and knocked on it. No one heard him over the creaking of the bed and Moegi's continuing moans. 

Frustrated, he opened the door. Moegi screamed and pulled the covers up over her chest. Konohamaru rolled off her and propped himself up on his elbows. "What are you doing, man?" he fumed. 

Naruto sighed. "I'm sorry," he apologized, slamming his hands over his eyes, but spreading his fingers wide enough so that it was extremely conspicuous that he could still see. "I didn't mean to interrupt, but I have to go Konohamaru." He told him, gesturing to the backpack on his shoulder with a jerk of his head.

"Niichan! Don't go!" Konohamaru's anger faded as he scurried to the end of his bed with the same expression he would've worn as a ten year old kid. "Why?"

"I'm gonna go stay with Shikamaru for a few days. There might be an apartment open in his building." Naruto told them, uncovering his eyes and patting the naked boy on the head. "See ya, dude."

"BUT WAIT! Boss, why are you leaving at three in the morning?" the brunette asked, tears at the corners of his dark eyes. Moegi looked slightly depressed as well as she clutched the bedclothes around her body, since she too had admiration for the blonde.

"Um" Naruto tried to think of a decent excuse, "I have to um get an early start because Shikamaru lives on the other side of the village?"

"No he doesn't, he lives a block away." Moegi pouted, puffing out her lower lip. Her orange hair was out of its usual pigtails and she actually looked quite adorable with it encasing her sulking face. He felt a stab of guilt through his gut. But though Naruto felt guilty about leaving on such short notice, he knew he couldn't give in to the adorable expression. He could not live with Konohamaru.

Naruto scratched his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Well, he probably won't answer the door for a few hours." he told them. They nodded, agreeing. Shikamaru was notorious for leaving people sitting on his doorstep until he was ready to get off his lazy ass and answer the door.

"Well okay Niichan, but come visit soon." Konohamaru told him, his voice meek. Naruto mussed his head once more before turning to leave the room. He closed the bedroom door behind him and walked out of the apartment.

\- 0 -

"SHIIIIKAMAAARUUUU!" Naruto called through the hardwood door. He used his most feminine voice, calling the name like a love struck cheerleader. No answer, he sighed. Shikamaru wouldn't open the door for just any act, even someone shouting for him at three in the morning. He needed to embarrass him enough to get him off his lazy ass and to the door. 

He inhaled, a grin spreading across his lips, fanglike teeth glinting in the pale moonlight. "SHIIIKA-KUUN! HOW _COULD_ YOU? You give me the most PASSIONATE night of my life and you won't even see me now?" How can you treat a boy like this? You told me you loved me! Or was that just a ploy to get in my pants!?" he sobbed loudly, rattling the streetlights. Some of the lights in the nearby houses flickered on. He grinned behind his hands, still racking his body with loud, feigned sobs.

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME? Do you think some _girl_ is going to give you better love than ME?!" he screeched, throwing his head back and covering his eyes with his arm. "Oh SHIKA! Do you think she's better than me? You _know_ I give the best blo-" 

"What are you doing?" Shikamaru's frowning face was shadowed by the moonlight and the lights of the surrounding houses who were trying to listen in on the conversation. Naruto grinned sheepishly. "Why hello Shikamaru, I need a place to stay." 

His face grew even angrier.

"Why?" he asked, crossing his arms. Naruto sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, a quirk that was quickly becoming nervous habit. He smiled gingerly. 

"My-my house was condemned. I have to stay somewhere for about three days until I find a place of my own or a permanent roommate." He told him. Shikamaru's face softened, he granted Naruto one of his small smiles and stepped aside. Naruto grinned. He picked up his bag and walked in.

As soon as he walked in, his mouth dropped open. 

The house was empty. There was literally nothing in the house. No furniture, no pictures, no tools, nothing. Just one box in the far corner marked _Clothes_ and a counter and small refrigerator in what he assumed was supposed to be the kitchen. Other than that, there was nothing on the hardwood floors, not even a rug. 

Naruto placed his bag on the ground, "Are you um moving in?" he asked, turning to the dark haired shinobi. 

"Huh?" Shikamaru closed his door and turned to Naruto. "What? I've lived here for a year." He said, shaking his head in slight annoyance. Naruto looked around the house, confused, and then back at Shikamaru, who was staring at him with deep uninterest reflected in his dark, brooding eyes. 

"Are you sure?" he mumbled, unable to stop himself from pressing the issue. Naruto wanted to know if anyone could be so lazy as to live in a home with nothing in it but their clothing. Where did he sleep? Did he shower? What the hell was going on?!

Shikamaru shook his head in annoyance. He wasn't going to deal with Naruto right now and he was making it quite clear. "I have a meeting in the morning with TenTen, okay?" he told him, locking the door with a stern-sounding click. "We have some business to attend to for Tsunade-Sama." 

"Didn't you usually do that stuff with Temari-Chan?" he asked, confused. Shikamaru sighed and shook his head.

"Nah," He said, "That was because we were tying up our alliance with the Suna. Now she's busy with Sasuke." he explained, undoing his ponytail. His brown hair fell to his shoulders. He pulled off his Chuunin jacket and folded it. He walked over to the box of clothes and dropped it in. "I guess I should thank you for coming over. I forgot to take off my jacket since I got home yesterday." Naruto looked at him, "I guess I got too tired."

"Is that so?" Naruto asked, frowning. Could anyone be as lazy as Shikamaru Nara? Was there even a way to describe such a degree of lethargy? A sloth paled in comparison to the brown-haired shinobi. It was then that Naruto realized he'd never seen Shikamaru with his hair down, it was really beautiful. He could've starred in a shampoo commercial or something.

Shikamaru yawned and stretched. "Goodnight, Naruto." He said, laying down in the middle of the floor and folding his arms behind his head in a makeshift pillow. He closed his eyes and didn't say another word.

Naruto stared at him. _Now what?_ Was he supposed to go to sleep on the floor with no futon or anything? What the hell was with this boy? Wasn't he taking indolence just a step too far? Well, as he felt his eyelids drooping and his vision going hazy, he was too tired to contemplate the mental workings of a languid Nara at this moment. He lay down on the hardwood floor next to Shikamaru, using his bag as a pillow and drifted into a well-needed sleep.

\- 0 -

When Naruto woke, he found that it was late afternoon. The sun slated through the windows and across his face. He yawned, opening his eyes and pushing himself up. He looked around. Shikamaru was nowhere to be found. 

Quietly, he stood up and fumbled over to the kitchen area. He opened the refrigerator clumsily in his drowsiness, looking for any form of sustenance to sooth his grumbling stomach. The fridge was empty, completely bare; there weren't even any shelves in it. 

Naruto shook his head, he must still be sleepy. He closed the refrigerator door and rubbed his eyes thoroughly, hoping to brush the sleepiness from them. He reopened the refrigerator door, but again, there was nothing in it. It was simply a cold empty box posing as a fridge. Angrily, he slammed the door shut and decided to forget about his nagging hunger by taking a shower.

He walked into the bathroom, if you could call it that. There was a toilet with no seat, a roll of toilet paper sitting on the floor, and a shower curtain concealing; he found, merely a shower head and handle. There wasn't even any soap! Ew! Not even _he_ was that nasty.

Regardless, he stripped and walked into the shower. He turned the nozzle and let the hot water wash over his aching body. This had been a shitty couple of weeks. He hoped his brief stay at Shikamaru's would be more delightful than his last three options. Naruto ran his fingers through his wet hair, slicking it away from his forehead. His thoughts drifted to Sakura.

It had been six months since he last saw her smiling face. Six long months of missing her voice, her eyes, her hair he still loved her. He knew it, but he dismissed the thoughts as best he could. He knew that her feelings for Sasuke had evaporated when the Uchiha began dating Temari, but she still showed no interest in him as anything more than a friend and he wasn't going to push it. He didn't want to jeopardize what he had with his teammate. She was too important to him to risk losing her. Maybe he would ask someone else out, he was sure that his pervy-sennin could introduce him to at least one decent girl who didn't spend her evenings fishing bills out of her underwear. 

He finished his shower, yawning and turning off the water, he exited the stall. He looked around, Oh shit! he thought, _He didn't have a fucking towel!_ Shikamaru didn't have one goddamned towel in the entire bathroom. 

Naruto frowned.

 _Fuck it!_ he thought. If Shikamaru wasn't going to provide towels, he was going to walk around his house dripping wet with his package flowing in the wind for Shikamaru to admire. Sure, it was spiteful, but how the fuck was he supposed to put up with a situation like this for his entire stay? A man had to have a dry sac, it was an unspoken rule at least for him.

He yawned and opened the door. The steam billowed out around him as he exited the bathroom. "Why hello, Naruto-Kun." the voice that greeted him was not Shikamaru's. 

"OMIGOD! TENTEN!" he attempted, miserably, to cover his shame. Shikamaru and TenTen were standing in his kitchen staring at him with wide eyes. Shikamaru rolled his eyes and shook his head in disbelief. TenTen covered her mouth and giggled visibly. Naruto could almost feel his confidence level plummet; he crossed his legs. "THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" he screamed, thrusting a finger at Shikamaru, "You don't have any goddamned towels you you whore!" the insult was cheap and not very well aimed, but he was pantsless, he didn't expect much from his intellect. 

Shikamaru shook his head. He went to his mission bag and pulled out a small cloth, tossing it at him. Naruto caught it with his other hand, once again revealing what he had been so desperately trying to cover. TenTen's eyes dropped south and the corner of her lip tweaked up in a slight smile. 

"GOD MOTHER FUCKING DAMNIT!" a string of profanity escaped Naruto's mouth as he clasped the cloth to his crotch, his cheeks growing as hot as the flames of hell itself. He scurried back into the bathroom, now sufficiently embarrassed.

\- 0 -

Days passed and Naruto was beginning to lose it. He felt his sanity slipping away slowly as he lived in the empty house. His thoughts were so frazzled he found himself trying to make his bed when he woke or attempting to dry himself with an imaginary towel. 

TenTen visited often to work on things with Shikamaru. She was patient with him, like a good girlfriend would have been. But somehow, Naruto could tell her interest in him didn't extend beyond a working relationship. 

She was almost motherly, pushing him gently to finish the work that had to be done. Tenderly jostling him awake when he dozed, using a stern tone to control him. Though she was not as loud as someone like, Ino, per se, would have been.

But three days after he arrived at the house, he snapped.

Naruto woke up on Wednesday with little thought in his head. He was becoming Shikamaru, in a way. He didn't give a shit about anything anymore. He rubbed his eyes and walked to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and grabbed at a nonexistent jug of milk. He tipped back his head and took a swig, not noticing the fact that there was nothing at all involved in any of it. 

He trotted over to where his bed was and lay down on the floor. He folded his arms behind his head and stared at the ceiling. He heard the toilet flush and looked up as Shikamaru walked out of the bathroom, and Naruto was positive that he saw him drying his hands on a pretend towel.

_WHAT THE FUCK!?_

When Shikamaru went over to the kitchen and began to adjust his invisible items Naruto could have sworn that he saw the faint outline of actual objects. He couldn't take it. He jumped up and went over to the eating area. Wrapping his fingers around the region where a table would be, he threw his arms up with fury. A strangled yell escaped him. "ARRGHHH!" the scream was the only sound to be heard in the small apartment, though in his head, Naruto heard the crash of the table hitting the hardwood floor. 

Shikamaru stared at him with complete disbelief reflected in his dull eyes. "Did did you just flip my imaginary table?" he stuttered over the question, before his eyes grew irritated. It was a rare sight to see the languid shinobi with any anger in his eyes. It was pale, barely visible, but powerful. "NARUTO!" he cried, exasperatedly. "This place is a MESS!" he told him, gesturing to the empty floor.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" Naruto screamed, towering over Shikamaru's voice in volume, his fury growing with each syllable. "THERE'S NOTHING IN THIS HOUSE! _NOTHING!_ " he yelled, tears appearing at the corners of his cerulean eyes, mirroring his feeling of disarray. 

"Anyone home?" TenTen's singsong voice rang throughout the small apartment. She closed the door behind her and took off her sandals. She turned to find Shikamaru and Naruto staring at the ground. "Oh my gosh," TenTen muttered, placing her fingers in front of her mouth in surprise. "Shikamaru, this place is a _mess_!" she exclaimed, astonished. 

"I _know_ ," Shikamaru barked, "Naruto flipped my imaginary table like a jackass!" he told her. His voice grew sterner than Naruto had ever heard it, but it didn't deter him for a split-second. He matched the tone and increased his volume to drown out Shikamaru.

"YOU'RE INSANE!" he screeched, "THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE!" he bellowed, his voice shaking dust from the ceiling. Shikamaru's annoyed facial expression didn't falter, he looked at Naruto as if he were the one living in the empty house.

"What are you talking about?" TenTen asked, tipping her head to the side. "There's plenty in here." 

Naruto let out another animalistic yell and snatched his bag from the floor. He wrenched the front door open and walked out onto the porch. He grabbed the door handle and turned to face the two dumbstruck people in the house. "THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME STAY!" he screamed, making his thanks sound more like a death threat. And with that, he promptly slammed the door shut with such force; he thought he might have broken the frame. 

Shikamaru and TenTen watched Naruto stumble down the street like a drunk, crashing into things and swearing profusely, TenTen turned to Shikamaru after Naruto was out of sight. "He snapped quicker than I thought he would." she whispered, crossing her pink-sleeves over her chest. "Where is all your stuff anyway?" 

"Chouji has it," Shikamaru told her, "I'll pick it all up tomorrow." He yawned, brushing the back of his hand over his mouth to stifle the sound.

\- 0 -

Naruto buried his head in his arms. He was in _Ichiraku_ at the counter; he didn't notice the people sitting next to him at the bar. There were two brunettes sat on either side of him and a blonde at the far end. He didn't notice a single thing. He didn't care.   
He finished his first ramen and grabbed his glass of water. He tossed his head back and chugged it with force, "Can I have another ramen?" he asked the owner of _Ichiraku_ , who nodded. "And make it with egg this time, okay?" Naruto added, and instantly the bowl was slid across the counter to him. He began to slurp it steadily, a feeling of uneasiness overtaking him.

Suddenly, he groaned, slamming his fist down on the counter. "Where can I go?" he asked no one in particular, slurping his ramen with a sense of abandon. 

Naruto wished that the ramen wasn't the cause of his problems. He wished he hadn't left it out for those stupid animals to get to. He didn't even remember doing it, but still, no matter the preceding circumstance, ramen still proved to be the only thing that soothed his charred nerves. 

"You need a place to stay?" a woman's voice attracted his attentions to the end of the bar. 

Ino Yamanaka was seated on the stool farthest to the right, sipping on a tropical looking drink in a martini glass. She looked very elegant in a purple summer dress with a thin halter top with a slit showing a generous amount of leg. Her hair was swept up in a high ponytail tied with a satiny tie around her blonde locks. He was shocked by her appearance. He'd never thought of it before, but Ino was really gorgeous. His thoughts quickly returned to what she had said.

"Yeah," He told her, raking his fingers through his blonde hair. "My house was condemned and I haven't found any place that's permanent. I could use a roommate, at least until I save enough to put a down payment on a place of my own." Naruto looked up at her, flashing her a pathetic smile.

Ino found herself sympathetic, a rarity. He was looking at her like a sad stray puppy that she just had to take home. Not to mention that the fact that the years had been good to him! In his tight fitted black tee shirt, Ino could see the definition of a gorgeously well-defined stomach that she longed to run her fingers across. She wanted him in her house, the closer, the better, right? 

"Stay with me," she offered, beaming at him. "I want to apologize for all those years I was cruel to you. Stay with me free of charge." the shock registered in Naruto's head with the sparkle of Ino's incredible smile. Naruto's eyes glided over her pert breasts and sensual hips. He didn't think he'd have a problem staying with someone as darling as her. 

"O-okay" he murmured, he spoke before his brain knew how to say the words. His libido was greatly overriding any logic he might have had left. Naruto's mind filled with possible situations he might find himself in with the magnificent blonde. She extracted a bill from the small plum shaded purse slung over her shoulder and placed a tip on the counter. 

Naruto didn't think as he allowed the strong blonde woman to take him by the hand and lead him from the ramen shop.


	2. A Woman's Touch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very happy with the attention this story got on FF.net and hope it gets some on the dA. I'm having the most fun that I’d ever had with a story. I plan on playing a little in this chapter with Ino and Naruto’s relationship in the house. Next chapter Sakura will come back to Konoha.
> 
> Ino… my feelings on Ino are loose at this point. She may be a bit OOC in this chapter. I tried to make her mysterious and dominating to lure Naruto. Anyone who knows me knows I believe in women dominating men. I dominate my man and I like the idea of Naruto as an uke. It’s a nice idea to have two strong women fighting over him. I think Naruto is ensnared by strength. Sakura holds a power over him. He acts out to be controlled. (My theory, not to be argued, it’s just an opinion)
> 
> In my lovely story Asuma is not dead. SHUT UP! I didn’t want him to die in the first place. He and Kurenai have a child that’s four years old now. I am a little behind in Shippuden, but as far as I know she hasn’t had her child yet. Well in this it’s a small girl named Aiko. When s/he is actually born in the manga, I will come back and change it. If anyone wants to correct me now, feel free. But please don’t spam me about it.

  
Chapter Two: _A Women's Touch_  


"Wow Ino-Chan! Your apartment is gorgeous!" Naruto exclaimed as he looked around the room. The apartment was small, but spacious, with light maroon walls and flowing white sash curtains around the bay window on the back wall of the living room. Even from his spot at the door Naruto could see the lovely view from the window, overlooking a garden complete with a coy pond. 

There was a thin hallway directly in front of the door, leading to what Naruto assumed to be the bedrooms.

It had a half-kitchen with small oak cabinets lining the walls and a sleek off-white marble countertop held up by bamboo slating. Three bamboo stools lined in front of it to create a breakfast nook. And to his joy, a refrigerator against the wall that he was positive had food inside of it. Facing the window was a large comfortable looking white leather sofa with a purple and red woven blanket placed across the back, its tassels hanging prettily. A white shag rug was on the floor.

All the furniture was made of oak and tastefully placed in the small room to make it look to its best advantage size-wise. A bookcase filled with volumes sat next to the kitchen. A small table below the bay window had a vase filled with cherry blossoms. The smell filled the apartment. 

The home was inviting and warm, so unlike every other house he'd been to in the last month. The decorating was soothing and homey. If that was what was defined as a _Women's Touch_ , then Ino definitely had it. He found himself wondering what other kind of touches she had.

Suddenly, he felt something nag at the back of his conscious.

He was at Ino Yamanaka's house and he was planning on living there. What would Sakura do when she found out? Wasn't it just begging for a fight to become her arch-enemy's roommate? Well, maybe now that Sasuke was with Temari it wouldn't matter as much since they weren't fighting over Sasuke. It wasn't like they were going to find a new guy to fight over! The thought was laughable

"Welcome, Naruto-Kun." Ino smiled slyly, her sky blue eyes twinkling like soft stars, drawing him in. She took his rough, calloused hand in her silky one and dragged him towards the hallway. He followed her, his eyes lingering on the pictures on the wall. 

There was one of her team. It was taken recently. In it, Ino was beaming. She was standing next to Shikamaru. Her cornflower blue eyes alight with an emotion Naruto didn't recognize, a glow of happiness and contentment. 

Surprisingly, Shikamaru seemed at ease next to the blonde. He even had a small smile on his bored face. In Ino's arms was Aiko, Asuma's daughter. She was a vibrant little thing. Her chubby little fingers were wrapped in Ino's hair as if she was her mother. If he hadn't known better, he might have thought the child was hers and Shikamaru's! 

Aiko's hair color matched his and the little girl's eyes had the same sparkle he'd come to appreciate in Ino's. Asuma was to his right, his strong arm was wrapped around Chouji's shoulder and they were all grinning into the camera. 

Further down the hallway, he saw a picture that made him stop. The picture was a few years old, Ino looked about sixteen and she had her arm draped over Sakura's shoulder. 

It must have been after Sasuke had been taken off the market because he didn't sense any hatred between them at all. The photograph was taken on New Years' and they were dressed in flowing red and purple kimonos. Both of them looked gorgeous, he felt his heart beat faster. They were friends because they were similar and after six years Naruto had pretty much given up on Sakura, but Ino was almost exactly like her, right? Well, with one difference she was actually _interested_ in him!

He was dragged from his thoughts with the _swoosh_ of a sliding door. Ino smiled, "Here's your room, Naruto-Kun." She gestured into the room, he glanced around. It was nice. Small, with a single bed covered in a pretty blue duvet cover with two comfortable looking pillows. A petite oak table with a small wooden box lamp, covered in wax paper was next to the bed. There was a desk and lamp, a few scrolls placed on it. A little closet and a crate with the Konoha symbol on it for him to place his mission gear in.

"Thank you, Ino." Naruto thanked her, a blush creeping across his cheeks. She was being so nice. He could almost feel himself falling for her. He tried to force the thought from his head. He probably was just overly glad that someone had offered him a place to stay that wasn't covered in dog poop or bugs, completely bare, or filled with the sounds of sex at least not yet! _NO!_ He shook his head, trying desperately to rid himself of such tantalizing images.

She winked and slid the door shut. He threw his bag on the floor and flopped down on the bed. He stared at the ceiling, but was horribly aware of the nagging feeling in his pants. Ino was driving him crazy! He'd barely been in the house for a few minutes and he felt the need to rush out of the room to be near her.

Coming to a sudden decision, he tore from the bed and threw open the door.

To his utter surprise, Ino was waiting for him. A lovely grin played on her thick, pouting lips and a glimmer of lust was in her eyes. Abruptly, she placed her hands on his shoulders, pushing him to the bed and forcing him down. It was like a scene directly out of one of Jiraiya's novels as Ino positioned herself on top of him. She was surprisingly strong. 

"What are you doing?" he gasped. She didn't reply, but instead locked her lips with his. Their lips collided with the crazed power of their lust. It was almost as if they were trying to force each other backward with their mouths rather than kiss. Ino shoved her tongue into his mouth. Their tongues wrestled as Ino explored his mouth. It was obvious to Naruto that she was in control and he had no problem with it. 

She broke the kiss and laughed seductively. Naruto looked up at her with innocent query, "Shikamaru always told me I moved too fast!" she grinned, pulling the tie out of her hair so that it fell down her back like a sheath of shining beauty. Ino threw it aside and smiled even wider, "I guess he was right!" she kissed him again.

Her silky fingers roamed his body, shoving up his shirt and raking her nails down his well-toned chest. He jolted with pleasure and wrapped his fingers in her pale blonde hair as it fell over his waiting face. His eyes glazed over as Ino's knowledgeable fingers stroked his body, moving lower, lower, lower, until

_KNOCK!_

Ino rolled off of him onto the floor with a loud thud. She pushed herself up awkwardly and straightened her rumpled dress. She tore from the room to the door with Naruto on her tail, tugging his shirt down and wiping the smeared evidence of her kisses from his face. 

Ino flung the door open to find TenTen grinning at them. "Hey Ino-San, I-" she stopped as her gaze fell on Naruto. Her face grew placid. "N-Naruto! What are you doing here? How are you um feeling?" she asked her smile weak and fake, obviously afraid of another outburst. 

"I'm fine, TenTen-Chan. I'm sorry for acting like that." He apologized, scratching the base of his neck. His face reddened with shame but it faded as soon as TenTen's smile became genuine. She flashed him the thumbs up as a way of accepting his apology and turned back to Ino.

"I'm actually glad you're in the same place, that way I don't have to hunt both of you down." She smiled, grey eyes full of a secret she was just dying to tell. "Sasuke came back early. Temari contacted him and told him to come home immediately. She says she has a surprise for everyone, come on!" TenTen gestured them to follow her and tore from off the landing, her buns bobbing.

They followed her as fast as they could.

\- 0 -

At Sasuke and Temari's house a small crowd had already gathered. Naruto said hello to Gaara, who was seated on the couch. His partner, Lee, was leaning on his shoulder. Kankuro was sipping a glass of iced tea, looking around the home inquiringly. Shikamaru and Chouji were chatting quietly. They greeted their teammate.

"What's going on?" Ino asked, tucking her loose hair behind her ear. She crossed her arms under her chest, pushing her breasts upward. Naruto's eyes fell to her chest and thoughts of what had just happened drifted through his head. Was he doing the right thing? Ino said she moved fast, did that mean she had been with many men before him? He sure hoped not, but he didn't think so because that wasn't one of the insults in Sakura's arsenal and it was just the type of thing that the pink-haired firecracker would exploit in an argument.

"No idea," Chouji shrugged, stuffing his face with chips from one of his trademark bags. "Shika told me there was going to be Korean Barbeque, that's why I'm here." He admitted. _Well,_ Naruto thought, _at least he's honest_

Temari and Sasuke walked into the room, both were grinning from ear to ear. His arm was entwined with hers and she was glowing. Her presence filled the room as she vibrated on the verge of expelling her news. 

"Everyone," she smiled, blushing intensely. "I'm pregnant!" 

Someone could have heard a pin drop, but the silence only lasted for a split second before a sudden uproar developed. Everyone drifted to Temari, patting her back and singing their praises. Many congratulations were exchanged, hugs given, kisses were placed on her cheeks, and hands roved her stomach in attempts to feel the budding child in her womb.

Naruto migrated over to Sasuke, placing his arm around the dark-haired boys' shoulder and shaking him encouragingly. A grin was plastered across his tan face. "My, my, our little Sasuke-Kun is growing up!" he teased. Sasuke raised an eyebrow in faux annoyance, unable to keep the smile from his face. Finally, he had everything he wanted. His clan was going to be restored.

"Now when are you gonna get yourself a girlfriend, dobe?" Sasuke shot back, smiling with superiority. Naruto half-frowned and pushed him playfully, shaking his head. Sasuke's eyes drifted over to Ino, who was brushing her hair behind her ear chatting playfully with Temari. "I hear you're staying with Ino-San, have you thought of how Sakura would feel about it?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto's eyes fell. He bit his lip in thought. He hadn't thought about it thoroughly. Hell, he hadn't thought about at all. Things were moving so fast his head was spinning. Ino had practically fucked him less than ten minutes ago and Temari was pregnant. The whole world was making little sense and his head felt fuzzed. 

Sasuke didn't say another word. He sensed Naruto's inner confusions and let him work it out. Sasuke placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. Naruto didn't acknowledge the hand, he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to notice the concern of one who so rarely showed any.

Sasuke's hand fell back to his side when Temari walked over to him. He walked forward and took her hands in his. She smiled, "Sasuke-Kun," she said his name in a melodious tone, "I ordered the food from _Ichiraku_ , do you think that you could get it?" she asked. Naruto looked up and Chouji sprang to attention as well.

"I'll do it Temari-San." they said simultaneously, then looked at each other. Naruto smiled and gestured towards the door. "Let's just go together, huh, Chouji-San?" he suggested, "I'm sure it'll be more food than one person can carry," he grinned; Chouji didn't say a word but nodded his agreement. They left together.

\- 0 -

Naruto and Chouji walked in silence for a while. Naruto eyed the chubby ninja out of his peripheral vision, he didn't have a problem with Chouji, but he didn't know him too well. As he lumbered along aside the blonde, Naruto examined his walking partner. Chouji's red hair bounced with his steps and his broad shoulders brushed Naruto's wiry ones as they walked together.

"So, you're staying with Ino?"

"I am" Naruto replied, "I've been staying there for all of five minutes." he grinned at Chouji, who returned it with a slight smile. Naruto's smile widened, he wasn't all that sure of Chouji but Shikamaru liked him well enough so he decided he mustn't be all that bad.

"She's a real nice girl." Chouji told him. Naruto nodded in agreement. 

"She is..." he replied, "I am lucky that such a close friend of Sakura's has offered me a place to stay." He whispered. He eyed him sheepishly, with fear that what had happened with Ino was obvious in his face. He'd rather Chouji was unaware of what had nearly happened between him and tantalizing blonde but fifteen minutes before.

"You like Sakura-San very much, don't you?" Chouji asked, quietly. Naruto was silent, blushing. He wasn't sure anymore. Sakura had never shown any interest in him as it was and Ino obviously had feelings for him. Wouldn't it be better to focus on Ino and give up on Sakura once and for all?

Naruto's thoughts were cut short when as they arrived at _Ichiraku_. 

Chouji pushed aside the curtain and allowed Naruto to enter first. He reached upwards and gave the entrance bell an extra tinkle, flicking it with his finger. Teuchi, the owner, looked up into Naruto's grinning face. Chouji followed the blonde in slowly. 

Teuchi waved hello, "Well, if it isn't my two favorite costumers!" he bellowed across the shop. Naruto and Chouji smiled their greetings.

"Hey Teuchi," Chouji greeted, "we're here to pick up a large order." he explained. Teuchi nodded and winked, glee in his dark eyes. The owner of _Ichiraku_ was a kind man who had watched the two boys before him now grow from children into the men that stood in front of him waiting for their order.

"You must mean the Expectant Mother Special!" he grinned delightedly. He called over his shoulder into the back room, "AYAME! Get the order written out to Uchiha Temari!" he screamed. 

"Alright!" A girl's voice replied from behind the curtain leading to the kitchens. Both boys recognized it as Ayame's, the pretty brunette that worked in _Ichiraku_ as a waitress and part-time delivery girl. She exited backwards out of the back room, her arms filled with piles of bags. She set them down on the counter and wiped her brow. "This is only half of it," she began, looking up at them. "Chouji!" she sounded startled, a slight blush peeled across her cheeks. Chouji gave her a wave, his own cheeks red behind the swirling marks on them.

"H-hello, Ayame-Chan how are you?" he asked her, awkwardly. They stood for a moment, facing one another with little notice to those around them. Naruto looked between them, unsure of what to make of their reactions. 

"AYAME!" Teuchi's strong voice broke the silence between them. "Flirt on your own time and get the rest of that order!" he demanded. She blushed redder than the hair atop Chouji's head and skittered out of site behind the red curtain that read _Kitchen_. 

As her brown hair disappeared, Naruto turned to Chouji. "Are you dating Ayame?" he questioned the large ninja. 

Chouji baulked and turned on him. "Of c-course not!" he choked, "Why would she want a fatass like me?" he fell quiet and Naruto smiled. It was obvious even to _him_ that Chouji had a thing for the girl. And that his insecurities about his weight had stopped him from ever making a move. He could see it all in his eyes. And for Naruto, this level of observation was impressive. 

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself." Naruto told him, taking the bags from the counter in his strong arms. "Fat or not, at least you're not stupid like me. Everyone has problems, no need to be a pussy about girls because of it." He advised as best he could, a grin making the whiskers on his cheeks glitter. Chouji looked at him with new appreciation, a small smile on his thick lips.

Ayame returned, "Here's the rest, Chouji-San." she whispered, in a very Hinata-like way, pushing the bags into his thick arms. 

Their hands brushed each other over the bags and the blush on her cheeks reached her hairline delicately tucked underneath her starched white bandana. She rushed back into the kitchen without another word. Teuchi watched her with surprise. 

"I'll see you boys later" he said. Naruto set his bags on the counter for a moment and fished his frog change purse from his pocket and opened it. He handed the money to Teuchi, who took it with a slightly startled nod, his eyes still flickering to the kitchen and the shy girl hiding within it. 

They nodded their goodbyes and exited _Ichiraku_.

\- 0 -

Chouji and Naruto walked back to Temari and Sasuke's flat without speaking. They fell in step with one another as they did before, but no words were exchanged between them. The only sound on the road was that of the rustling bags and the pattering of feet in cloth.

Naruto pushed the door handle down with his elbow and forced the door open with his shoulder, taking care not to tip the bags in fear of spilling the ramen. 

"We got the food!" he announced as he forced himself into the apartment, "It's not Korean Barbeque, but it's still fucking delicious." Naruto walked over to the kitchen leaving the door open behind him for Chouji to follow him and placed his bags on the counter. He began pulling the small Styrofoam cups out of the bag. The tops of the plastic containers were steamed over with the heat coming off of the noodles. 

Chouji joined him at the counter and started to unload his paper bags as well. He pulled out piles of chopsticks in thin paper wrappings. 

"Thank you so much guys," Temari thanked them profusely. She grabbed the containers from the counter one in each hand, chopsticks under her fingers and handed them to her guests in twos. Soon the room was filled with the soft slurping of people devouring noodles.

"Have you started preparations for the baby?" Ino asked, swallowing a mouthful of ramen. 

Temari nodded, "A little bit. We have a spare bedroom that we're going to convert for him or her. We're going to paint it a gender-neutral color since we're not sure if we having a boy or girl and I think I want to be surprised." Temari giggled like a school girl, patting her stomach.

Sasuke placed his arm around her, his other over hers on her stomach. "We know that it's sort of soon for us to be having a child since we only got married last year." he said "And it wasn't planned, but it is definitely the best surprise I've ever received." He leaned over and snuggled his cheek into Temari's, his lips brushing her softly. The room was soon filled with "aww's."

Naruto rolled his eyes, but was unable to hide his smile. He wished more than anything that he could have that. He wanted a relationship with someone who truly cared about him, someone who wanted to be with him. Naruto eyes Ino out of the corner of his eye, she was slurping ramen through her perfectly rounded lips, small splashes making her bottom lip look shiny and inviting. As he watched her, he wondered if perhaps Ino was the one for him, not Sakura.

\- 0 -

When they arrived home, Naruto walked straight into the apartment, kicked off his sandals and flopped on the shag rug. He folded his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. It was a few seconds before he felt the warmth of Ino's body next to his. The sweet scent of honey and cinnamon filled his nose. He inhaled her scent with longing. 

"Naruto-Kun, what're you thinking about?" Ino's soft breath caressed his ear. He opened his eyes and turned to face her. His eyes locked with her baby blue beauties. He considered her words for a moment before speaking. _What was he thinking about?_

"I don't Ino-Chan, how can you tell if you're beginning to like someone?" Naruto found himself saying the words before he realized how it might sound, as was often his problem. Her eyes widened slightly, her pencil-thin eyebrows rising ever-so-slightly with her inquiry. He blushed intensely, "I-I didn't mean"

"No, no, I understand." She cut him off abruptly, putting a slender finger to his lips. He felt the distinct urge to open his mouth and take her sweet scented finger into it. Naruto had the sudden desire to caress her entire body with his tongue. He fought back his lust to hear her words, "When Sasuke began dating Temari, before the wedding and all that, I thought maybe there was still a chance for us. My troubled heart eluded me into thinking that we still could have had something, but one day it hit me. I had been wasting my time on someone who had no interest in me at all for years." Ino paused, he felt his throat close. _Someone who had shown no interest_

"I realized I had been wasting my time on Sasuke when I could have been seeking happiness for myself. I mean, if it takes someone like seven years to come around to dating you, they're probably not going to. And if they do, it probably won't last" Ino whispered, a few tears collecting at the corners of her eyes.

"Oh," Naruto coughed. He wasn't very good with tears, he never had been. But he found himself running his fingers through her loose blonde hair. "I'm sorry Ino-Chan," he whispered. 

"Don't be, I think I found something a little more _interesting_ than Uchiha Sasuke." Her tender lips locked with his on the end of her compliment. He found himself allowing her to take control of him yet again as he submitted to her probing tongue. A soft sigh escaped his own lips as her deft fingers danced down his face, massaging his chest and tweaking his nipples through the thin fabric of his shirt. Naruto's hands drifted down her hips and up her soft arms to entwine in her hair. He didn't know how long they kissed, but with each passing touch he found himself caring less and less. 

Naruto broke the kiss, "I-I don't want to move too fast." He stuttered, knowing what an idiot he must sound like. What straight teenage male actually slowed the woman coming onto him?

"I understand," Ino smiled gently, "I appreciate that you're willing to take your time with me. Naruto-Kun, I really do like you." Her bright eyes were filled with the sincerity of her words and Naruto felt unable to respond. 

"M-me too but" 

Ino placed a delicate finger on his lips, "I understand that it takes time to get over old feelings, but if you don't mind Naruto-Kun. I think I'd like to try this roommate thing for a while and see if it goes a little um _further_." Her sensual voice caressed his ears like a gentle summer breeze. He would have agreed to murder if she used the same tone to ask for his assistance. He felt himself melting into her gaze. She kissed him again.

The flaxen woman before him was a vision of beauty. Her incredible blue eyes glowed in the pale living room light. Ino smiled at him. Naruto realized that this was the first time in his life that anyone had smiled at just him. The fox boy felt his heart begin to swell with his new fondness. He felt his feelings beginning to tear

A slice of his heart remained wrapped around Sakura. His long time love for the pink-haired girl could not be ignored and a part of his heart would always remain with her. But the other piece drifted out to encase Ino Yamanaka, his new affection. The woman who actually returned his feelings.

And as they kissed, he felt Sakura Haruno drift into memory


	3. Stuck Together, Torn Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In any fanfiction there is only so much one author can do to follow the original story and tie up loose ends. I cannot continually re-edit the same story over and over each time a new chapter comes out. I try to keep the ninjas as close to Kishimoto-Sama’s original character designs as possible and the plot as close as I can. There are certain things that I will not be able to do for this fiction. I can tell you that some things are changed: Sasuke never tried to join Madara in taking over Konohagakure and Asuma is alive. Other than that, keep it the same. Forget it. I am not going to explain myself. I am doing as I please.
> 
> This will be a single couple story, but don’t worry! The third member of the dismembered threesome will get a partner of their own in the end. It’s all part of the suspense.
> 
> Heh, okay welcome to chapter three! We all know that last chapter Ino and Naruto began their relationship. It has been exactly two months since they moved in together and Sakura and Kakashi are coming back from their mission. Hilarity ensues. (Some summary, eh?)
> 
> The last chapter was more of a romantic set-up. This chapter is all about jealousy and comedy. Cat fights are seen as something incredibly sexy and desirable for men by a lot of people, but in my world they are incredibly hilarious verbal and physical situations. Welcome to my world ladies and gentlemen, run while you can!!!

  
Chapter Three: _Stuck Together, Torn Apart_  


Six weeks had passed since Sasuke had left Kakashi and herself to return to his wife in Konohagakure. He had sent them a letter within two days of his arrival in Konohagakure stating that he would not be returning to the Village of the Clouds to finish the mission because Temari was expecting a child and he wanted to celebrate.

Sasuke's news had struck Sakura a little harder than she had expected it too. Really, they were the same age and he was already off being married with children! And here she was, an eighteen year old virgin who had spent so much time obsessing over a childhood crush she'd never gotten herself a damn _boyfriend_.

She sighed, brushing a strand of pink hair behind her ear. It was annoying listening to Kakashi's stories about his and Iruka's romantic interludes. It was like he was reading a page out of one of his dirty novels. It drove her absolutely crazy. Was she the only single woman left on this planet!? 

A boyfriend she thought about it momentarily. Who would she date? Who was single in Konoha? She began a mental checklist of eligible males. Shino Aburame? Hell no! She couldn't stand bugs. Plus, what did she know about a man who didn't talk? Neji Hyuuga? He was a little to smug for her taste, plus she didn't really want a boyfriend with better hair than her. Chouji? Not her speed, literally. Everything about him moved to slow for her. Shikamaru? She actually laughed out loud at this one. Shikamaru Nara was so far from her type it was like they were on different planets. They'd be constantly competing to see who was smarter. Plus, she wanted a man who fawned over her, not one that could be bored watching an execution. What about Naruto?

She found herself intrigued by this thought. She bit her lip and observed her nails. He had always had a thing for her. That was obvious. But what did she think about it? There couldn't be anything there, not after six years, right? She was quiet, staring up through the trees, the sun shining softly on her face. She imagined for a moment, what it would be like to kiss Naruto. How it would feel to run her fingers through his short blonde hair. The feel of his whiskered cheeks beneath her fingers. Sakura found herself blushing; she grabbed her fiery cheeks and shook the thoughts from her head.

"Do you have a tic in your hair or something?" 

Sakura glared at Kakashi. "Shut up," she frowned, tears forming at the corners of her eyes. She was always weak. Shinobi were never supposed to shed tears, yet she did all the time. She turned away from Kakashi. "How do you know you're in love? I mean, _really_ in love." she asked, staring fixedly at the ground.

"That's easy." Kakashi smiled. Sakura looked back at him with a poignant look on her face. _What was so easy about love?_

"If you can't stop thinking about that person. If you find yourself imagining what it would be like to kiss them or even to hold their hand. Just to be with them. Love is the easiest emotion to diagnose. It's an uncontrollable need to be near someone else." Kakashi winked. Sakura was silent, her brows furrowing. She peered up through her lashes at her silver haired team leader. "Why do you ask? Do you have someone in mind?" he smiled, knowingly.

"I'm not sure"

\- 0 -

_In Konoha_

"Naruto-Kun!" Ino's lyrical voice tenderly prodded the blonde awake. He opened his cerulean eyes to find himself face-to-face with the sweet baby blues of Ino Yamanaka. "Hey darling, it's been six weeks you know. Sakura and Kakashi are coming home today. We're having a welcome home brunch for them at Iruka's." 

Naruto sat up quickly, "Sakura's coming home today?" he yelped. _How could he have forgotten?_ He'd been so caught up in his whirlwind relationship with Ino he'd nearly forgotten about Sakura. 

He needed to get dressed. Naruto tried to crawl over Ino and get out of the bed, but ended up tumbling out of bed onto the floor in a huge bundle of bedclothes with a resounding smack. Ino burst out laughing as the blonde boy attempted to right himself multiple times, his pale blue footy-pajamas sliding across the polished wooden floor. 

Naruto somehow managed to untangle himself from the sheets, only to skid into his box of ninja supplies and flip over the top of it completely, his feet in the air. The top of his buck-toothed sleeping cap smacked him in his face.

By this time, Ino was gripping her sides with laughter. Her golden bangs fell in front of her eyes. "You're such an idiot." She said between giggles, stepping off the bed and pulling him to his feet. Naruto's clumsy feet slid him forward again and his body forced Ino's back to the wall. Her breasts smacked into his chest.

Their noses touching, blue eyes locked with one another. 

"Naruto-Kun, you're a little close." She whispered, a glimmer of lust he was growing all too familiar with glinting in her chameleon eyes. 

"I-I'm sorry Ino-Chan. I'll-" He began, trying to pull away. He wasn't able to finish before Ino placed her lips on his in a deep kiss. She wound her hands through his hair and plunged her tongue into his mouth. Naruto felt his knees growing weak. Ino was a fantastic kisser, making love to his mouth with her tongue. Over the six weeks they had been living together, they hadn't gone much further than making out, but he still went weak whenever her marshmallow lips touched his.

Ino's decadent hands traced his body to firmly grip his buttocks, pulling him closer. Naruto felt the blood rush from his head to certain extremities. He wasn't sure how much longer he could resist the sexual onslaught of the lascivious Yamanaka. 

Instinctively, he thrust his hips into her. Attempting to show her what she did to him. How insane she made his body. A sweet, cat like mewl escaped Ino's lips but she didn't relieve him. She didn't make any move towards the front of his pajamas.

Instead, Ino broke the kiss and manipulated her way out of the tangled mess of bed clothes and sexy blonde ninja and made her way towards the door. "Get dressed." She ordered him, her voice light. "I'm sure you want to look nice." There was a smile in her voice, covering an emotion he could not quite put his finger on. Jealousy? Menace? Perhaps cunning? You could never tell with Ino Yamanaka.

Naruto dressed showered and dressed at lightning speed. For once he actually put on his clean jumpsuit instead of the soiled one and a new pair of boxers ( _Who the hell would notice? It's not like anyone went down there anyway_ ) and attempted to comb his hair. He wasn't sure why he was putting so much effort into his looks. After all, wasn't he interested in Ino now? He looked at himself in the mirror. His cheeks were flushed with excitement simply from the thought of going to see Sakura. 

Perhaps he wasn't quite as over her as he thought he was

\- 0 -

_The Entrance of Konoha_

Naruto and Ino ran hand-in-hand to the village gate, wind whipping through their hair. Naruto looked over at Ino for a moment. The sun striking her creamy skin made her glow like a lantern at a festival. She really was lovely. Her golden hair whipping behind her like a bit of the sun stolen from the sky. Ino looked at him and smiled.

When they arrived at the gate they found that Sasuke, Shikamaru, TenTen, and Gaara were already there, milling around. TenTen was the only one speaking. Surrounded by a group of three uncommunicative men, the little brunette weapons' expert had taken it upon herself to be the sole provider of conversation. In essence, she was talking to herself, and quite animatedly.

"What's up?" Naruto asked when he and Ino walked up to the group.

TenTen looked beyond relieved to see the two fair-haired Shinobi. Naruto could have sworn he saw tears in her silver eyes. "We're the welcome wagon." She explained, indicating herself and Shikamaru. "Lady Tsunade sent us here to make sure that we got the mission specs from Sakura and Kakashi before they get to into being home."

"And you?" Ino smirked at Sasuke, her hands on her hips.

"I'm taking them back to the brunch. Temari is pretty tired so Gaara came with me instead." His explanation was bored, like most things about him. Gaara didn't say anything.

"So you're the stand-in baby mama?" Naruto asked, walking up to Gaara and poking his stomach. He leaned in and tickled it gently, blowing it kisses. In a baby voice he said "How ya doin' in there little guy? You ready to see Uncle Naruto yet? Huh? Huh? I bet you are!" 

"Stop that!" Gaara smacked Naruto's face away. Naruto gripped his cheek in mock horror, large faux tears forming in his sapphire eyes.

"That's no way to speak in front of a child!" he exclaimed, "Sasuke! Get a hold of your woman! This is not the type of environment I want my nephew born into!" Sasuke replied by slapping the back of Naruto's head and muttering " _Dobe_ " 

Ino giggled. Naruto was really cute, in his own eccentric, boisterous, retarded kind of way. TenTen eyed Ino with a raised brow and smiled. "I see things are getting a bit heavy with you two." she said, not looking directly at Ino, but rather speaking as though she were still holding the conversation with herself while the boys argued.

The blonde blushed ferociously. "I-I'm not sure if I would say that. We're just roommates. It's not like we're a couple. Not that I know of at least." Ino was surprised to find herself stuttering. She never stuttered. How embarrassing. Ino baulked as TenTen grinned evilly. _Who knew the girl was a gossip?_

"But you want to be more than 'just roommates'?" she made little air quotations around the phrase _just roommates_ and Ino felt her mind drift back to that morning. Her face grew redder. Naruto had made it quite clear he was interested in her sexually, if the bulge in his pants was any indication. But she was unsure if she could handle the emotional strains of a relationship. Especially since she was already living with the guy.

"I'm not sure. I really don't know."

"Well" TenTen smirked, crossing her arms over her Chinese-style long sleeved shirt. "Do you like him?"

"I-"

It was at that moment the gates opened, ceasing the grappling between the Sasuke, Naruto, and Gaara and faltering the bored observation of Shikamaru. They turned to see Kakashi first. His clothes were messy, mud-stained and ripped and his hair was filled with twigs. "Oh what do we have here?" he asked, grinning at two of his former-teammates, the Kazekage, two blushing kunoichi, and a very bored looking ninja.

"Kakashi-Sensei!" Naruto squealed like a twelve-year old. He never got tired of seeing his former team leader. He adored the man, after all. Not quite as much as Ero-Sennin, but still pretty close. "How was your mission? Did it go well?"

"Yeah it was pretty good. A bit harder after Sasuke left."

"Sorry." Sasuke muttered. 

"No worries, we know you had more _pressing_ matters to attend to." He winked (or blinked, it was hard to tell with the man) in that lewd way of his and Sasuke glared at him.

"Where's Sakura-Chan?" Naruto asked.

"I'm right here!" She yelled, stumbling through the gate behind the silver-haired Shinobi. 

The moment he laid eyes on her, the woman at his side faded out of existence. It was simply them, alone in the world

Sakura was sweaty, tired, and covered in dirt but to him she radiated beauty. The twig in her hair was a well-placed lily. The bruise on her lip a lovely shade of lipstick. After six long months she walked back into his life looking as lovely as she ever had.

Her smile did not disappoint. The moment she saw him she began to beam. Her face simply glowing. She dropped the scroll she was carrying and ran directly into his arms. He caught her, picking her up and swirling her around he placed her down on her feet gently. "Naruto-Kun! Wow! It's been forever!" Sakura gushed. He noticed that she didn't let go of his hand right away, but instead held onto it for what may have been only a few extra seconds but to him seemed like an eternity of happiness.

"Y-you look great Sakura-Chan." He stuttered. Sakura blushed prettily, letting go of his hand. He was so taken by her gorgeous emerald eyes he almost felt as if he had forgotten something. Suddenly, behind him he heard an angry " _A-hem!_ "

_Oh shit! Ino!_

Ino! He'd completely forgotten about Ino! He was so preoccupied by the pink haired goddess he'd forgotten Ino.

"Oh hey, Ino-Chan!" Sakura greeted her.

"Hey," Ino replied curtly, grabbing Naruto's arm possessively she pulled him into her. Sakura looked confused. _Oh no_. Naruto mentally kicked himself. Sakura didn't know. She didn't know they were living together. She didn't know they were-

"Are you two?" Sakura looked perplexed.

"Yeah. We're dating." Ino smiled, standing on her toes to kiss Naruto on the cheek.


	4. Tumultuous Breakfast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter doesn’t really have a huge time gap in it and may be a bit short. It is more of a filler to lead into the next one. So don’t expect it to be too long, but I did try to make it pretty funny.
> 
> I’m not a comedy genius though, so bear with me. I also can’t freaking keep up with the comic in this story. Everything changes so often with who is Hokage and who is dead that every fucking Fan Fiction these days should be classified as AU even if it takes place in Konoha.
> 
> So yeah, I am sticking with the same ages and era and I don’t care who Kishi kills off in the mean time because I am having fun with my story.
> 
> I am doing much better than I was, so the next chapter should definitely not take as long.

  
Chapter Four: _Tumultuous Breakfast_  


On the way back to the apartment, everyone had found themselves to be incapable of speech. Naruto was in back, in between Sakura and Ino. Ino wound her arm through his, forming a human cuff, linking him to her. Sakura kept eyeing them out of the corner of her eye. _Dating?_ She couldn't wrap her head around it. _Yamanaka Ino and Uzumaki Naruto were DATING?_

Upon entering Kakashi and Iruka's home, the group found an impressive breakfast spread that spanned the entire length of the table. Temari and Iruka, in matching frilly pink aprons, where peddling around the kitchen tending to the last items of food.

Kankuro was asleep on the couch and of no help at all. His feet were stretched out into Lee's lap. Lee looked horribly uncomfortable with this predicament, but unsure of what to do about it. 

"Hey guys, welcome home!" Temari called from the kitchen in a sing-song voice. The group quickly spread out into the house, muttering their greetings.

Gaara glared at his brother. Lee may not have known how to politely handle the situation but such things were of no concern to the Kazekage. With his sand, he proceeded to forcefully lift Kankuro off the couch and smack him directly into the wall behind the couch. He ignored his brother's moaning and proceeded to seat himself next to his boyfriend, placing his arm around Lee as if nothing had happened.

Kankuro knew better than to act as if anything had.

Sasuke walked into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around his wife, pulling her backwards into a hug and kissing her neck. Usually a fairly publically unaffectionate couple, the combination of Temari's raging hormones and Sasuke's excitement that she was carrying his heir had made them like schoolchildren. She batted him away playfully. 

He whispered something in her ear and she turned to look at Ino and Naruto, whose arms were still linked. She raised a skeptical eyebrow, but said nothing and went back to fussing with the food. A few well placed words to Sasuke sent him into the living room, where he stepped over the lifeless body of Kankuro and joined Gaara and Lee on the couch.

Ino dragged Naruto into the adjacent dining room. Clearly visible to those in the living room, she pushed him into a chair and promptly arranged herself in his lap. Naruto was clearly surprised, blushing redder than Chouji's hair, but uttered no objection. She wasted no time before she began demonstrating typical gooey "new couple" behavior. Playing with his hair and placing light kisses on his cheeks and forehead between sentences. 

Sakura plopped into one of the open chairs in Kakashi and Iruka's living room. She sat stiff-backed with both hands on her knees. She was utterly speechless. The know-it-all finally knew nothing. _How did this happen?_

TenTen bit her lip. Sensing the awful tension in the room, she seated herself on the arm of the chair Sakura was in. The pink haired girl didn't even notice she was so wrapped up in her own thoughts. TenTen pursed her lips. "Sakura," she said, trying to get her attention. No response. Sakura's eyes were glazed over like she was trapped in some evil Genjutsu, locked on Naruto and Ino. TenTen had half a mind to look upward, expecting to find a rain cloud floating above Sakura's head. 

_"Sakura!"_ the tiny brunette tried again. No answer. Getting huffy, she sat on the arm of the chair trying to think of what to do. TenTen looked over at Sakura again. She was looking directly at the blonde couple, but it almost seemed as if she didn't see them. Her eyes looked dead. TenTen suckled on her index finger and extracting it from her mouth, she slowly stuffed it into Sakura's ear.

_"KYAAAAHHH!"_

The entire house stopped to look at the pink-haired kunoichi when she screamed. TenTen fell off the arm of the chair and skittered away like one of Shino's bugs, hiding behind Shikamaru. The perpetually bored shinobi frowned at her. He was the only one who had seen what she did.

Sakura recovered herself and finally managed to ask "H-how did this happen?" she indicated Naruto and Ino who were watching her with matching expressions of curiosity.

Temari set the last plate down on the table and inserted herself strategically into the conversation, "Breakfast is served!" she sang playfully. The house filled with the sound of moving feet and chairs scratching on hardwood floor as everyone moved to the table. The rustle drowned out Sakura's desperate inquiry. 

Ino removed herself from Naruto's lap and seated herself next to him. She smiled at him. Naruto was still unsure what to think of this new situation. Part of him was delighted to have a girlfriend and the other part of him was very concerned with what Sakura might think of the whole situation. He really did like Ino though, a lot. She was beautiful, smart, and in fact, a lot like Sakura. He smiled back, rather weakly.

The table was quiet for a few minutes while everyone filled their plates and began eating. Initial conversation was topical. Kakashi talked a bit about the mission and Sasuke and Temari discussed plans for the baby and potential names. Sakura stayed out of the conversation. She gazed over the table at the blonde pair. Ino had taken to feeding Naruto, playfully instructing "Say Ah!"

Sakura grimaced. She wanted to know why Ino had swarmed in on her teammate. "How did you two start dating?" Sakura asked again, more politely this time. The others at the table began exchanging looks. The other conversation died down.

Ino smiled, rather smugly in Sakura's opinion, "It's just one of those things Sakura-Chan. Two people just migrate towards each other and before you know it, BAM! You're together." She giggled. Sakura glared. She couldn't exactly pinpoint why, but this whole situation just irked her.

"Actually," Shikamaru didn't look up from his rice and eggs when he spoke, "Naruto has been living with Ino for several weeks." 

_"WHAT?"_ Sakura could barely control the volume of her voice due to her utter surprise. She whipped her head towards Naruto, who was as red as a tomato. He hadn't exactly planned how to explain _that_ part of the situation to her, "Is this true?" she asked, her voice was cracking, but she didn't care. The blonde nodded sheepishly. 

"M-my house was condemned Sakura-Chan. I needed a place to stay!" Naruto tried to explain himself, but he stumbled over his words underneath Sakura's piercing glare (which, in retrospect, made the whole situation sound much worse). Sakura was livid. She had no idea what about this was making her so angry, but it was.

"Why didn't you stay with Kiba!?" she asked angrily, "Or Shino? Or Shikamaru? Or Konohamaru? They're all living alone!" she yelled at him. The pitch in her voice had risen an octave, making her sound a little more like a screaming harpy than an angry woman.

Naruto winced, "I-I did try living with them Sakura-Chan. I had to leave Kiba's because his family came into town and Konohamaru and Moegi were always-"

"Save it!" she cut him off. Sakura was well aware that she was blowing this whole thing way out of proportion, but she couldn't help herself. She lashed out at Naruto, but it was Ino she was really mad at, something about that snide grin of hers was driving her up a fucking wall, "What kind of decent man moves in with a single woman he barely knows unless he's planning on sleeping with her?!" Sakura spat.

"Sakura! That's not fair!"

This time, it was Ino who cut Naruto off, "And what if we were planning on fucking, huh Haruno? What would you do about it? We're consenting adults and we can do whatever the fuck we want." The blonde snapped at her. Sakura tried to open her mouth, but she was pinned against a wall. Ino had her in a vice. She was right, _what could she do about it?_

Naruto was terrified. He had no idea what was going on or how to handle it. He looked around for help from the others, but they were all just watching the girls as if they were a tennis game, expertly smacking the ball of insults back and forth between one another.

Sakura stuttered in a valiant effort to regain her former fury, "I-I know I'm not! But I am both of your friends and I think what you're doing is irresponsible, not to mention just plain stupid!" she whined. "Come on Ino, you-you know him! He's a total pervert!"

Ino stood up and leaned forward across the table so that her nose was barely centimeters from Sakura's and whispered in a sexy voice, "Maybe I like perverts, prude." she spat out the last word like poison venom, burning a hole in Sakura's ego. 

Sakura glared. She slammed her hands down on the table, sending silverware flying and stood up, walking out of the apartment entirely.

\- 0 -

_Outside the apartment_

Sakura fumed.

She knew Ino was just trying to push her buttons with that last comment, but it still worked. It was just something about the two of them living together that annoyed her to no end! Sakura knew that she had reacted far too strongly to that news and made a fool of herself in front of everyone.

She wished she knew what it was about Naruto staying at Ino's apartment that infuriated her so much! There was something about Ino touching him that pissed her off. She hated it when she kissed him or held his hand. She despised it when she fed him or whispered in his ear. She loathed how she sat in his lap and the thought of them having sex was just-

Time froze. 

The realization hit Sakura like one thousand steel garters pounding down on her head. She was in _love_ with Naruto. No matter how many times she said it, it just didn't sound right in her head. She didn't know how to process the information. She wanted to puke. Nothing had prepared her for this. Especially not after learning that her best friend had shacked up with him.

For a genius, she could be pretty damned stupid. It finally all made sense. After Sasuke, she hadn't had so much as a date. It was because without knowing it, she had already moved on. She had gone so far as to fall in love with another person entirely. It explained so much and yet so little. _What the fuck was she going to do?_

Thousands of thoughts whirred through her head at lightning speed during the split-second realization. She wanted Naruto. She wanted him, but Ino had taken him. Ino had taken what was rightfully hers. After all, hadn't he liked her in the first place? Ino had waltzed in and snatched him away from her before she could realize what she had.

_Oh, this was WAR_


	5. Boys and Girls (Are Dumb)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a physically stressful time in my life to say the least, not to mention emotionally, and I have not felt up to writing. I have spent the last few months battling debilitating fatigue and no answers. Struggling to keep up in school and being shuttled from doctor to doctor with no solution for nearly a year has been weighing heavily on me. My stress hit the head when I presented with stroke-symptoms in February 2011 and was rushed to the ER. It turned out that I have a neuromuscular disorder called Myasthenia Gravis. People with this illness have antibodies that attack an essential piece in the system used for muscle movement. This causes the muscles to weaken with repeated movement and sometimes simply stop moving entirely (ie. collapse). I started with slurred speech which quickly progressed to slack facial muscles, weakening in my fingers and limbs, and finally difficulty swallowing and breathing. Over the past few months, I have been desperately trying to find a way to control my symptoms with medications and have spent days in the hospital receiving IV treatments. I had a major surgery on October seventh that may put my illness into remission. I think that everyone can understand why I have not been capable of writing.
> 
> COUPLINGS: I repeat, this is not going to be a threesome story. It wasn’t planned that way. Sorry dudes. I apologize for the disappointment, but I promise the other person gets their own one and only and everyone ends up happy even if sadness precedes it. I hope that you will continue to read it even if Naruto doesn’t end up with both girls in the end. I mean, the whole thrill is seeing who he will pick, of course.
> 
> This chapter is more comedic than the last few. I want to move the story forward. I have the whole thing planned out. The main plot points at least, but chapters like this, that are supposed to fit in the middle are less planned. This is played by ear.
> 
> The reason these chapters take so long sometimes is because physical comedy is VERY hard to describe properly. I see it all in my head and I want to convey it to you because it is really funny and if I don’t explain it in an understandable and humorous way then nobody will be able to visualize what I am seeing in my head and get the joke and the whole point of the story is lost. Sometimes I think this story would have been easier to write as a comic instead of story, but I started it as the latter so I am going to continue it. I hope that I am doing my job and you can appreciate the jokes.
> 
> I adore TenTen’s character. I really do. That is just something I had to throw out there. I love characters where they have few defined characteristics so you don’t have any restrictions to follow. There isn’t anything to misinterpret or anyone to accuse you of being out-of-character because they have no set traits. The only one I see in TenTen is that she is a tomboy. Nothing else has really been established, though some accuse her of having a crush on Neji.
> 
> I gave both Ayame and TenTen last names. I chose Takahashi for Ayame because it is a very common last name, equivalent with Smith or Jones. She is kind of a plain girl, adorable but plain, so I thought the last name would suit her. TenTen’s last name is a joke. Often people call her “No Name” so I combined it and pronounced with a Japanese accent “Noname” (no-NAH-may). I think I’m clever, shut up.
> 
> Sakura ping-pongs between emotions a lot in this chapter, this is meant to parody classic tsundere tendencies in harem-style manga and she is NOT psychotic. **The more you know**
> 
> This chapter is very long so I hope you can forgive my absence!

Takahashi Ayame had come to the conclusion that all boys were incurably stupid.

She didn't know how much more she could take. She had done everything she could think of, from changing her hairstyle to trying new makeup to spending her entire month's salary on a wonder bra that was supposed to make you appear three cup sizes bigger (it didn't). It seemed that nothing would attract the attention of her pudgy paramour, Chouji Akamichi. 

Utterly frustrated, she thought it might be better to just give up on the idea of snaring a man altogether and commit herself to a life of celibacy. Perhaps, join a nunnery. 

Suddenly, a loud noise distracted her from her thoughts. A pink haired kunoichi burst into the shop in a whirlwind of anger and frustration, seating herself at the bar and banging her fists on the counter with dramatic flair. Ayame recognized her immediately as Haruno Sakura, the teammate of her very best customer, Naruto. The brunette waitress opened her mouth to ask for her order when Sakura, very eloquently, smashed her head into the wooden surface of the bar, and wailed, _"Are all boys stupid?"_

Ayame blinked. She was taken aback. It was not often that a customer walked in voicing exactly how she was feeling at the moment. Now, she was far too shy and much too polite to tell Sakura how she really felt, and that was a big _HELL YEAH!_ Instead, she remained silent until Sakura raised her head and peered up at her through shaggy rose-colored bangs. Her eyes were red and puffy with previously shed tears, dark circles underneath them. The waitress knew that face, she had worn it many times herself. Depression, anger, frustration. _Men._

The dark-haired girl frowned. She pitied the woman before her, suffering from a plight not unlike her own, a comrade in arms. She grabbed a couple of teeny porcelain cups and placed them on the bar. She turned her back to the mess of a woman momentarily to take a jug of rice wine off of one of the shelves and filled both cups. "Here," she whispered. She pushed one of the cups towards Sakura, picking up the other herself and sipping at it. The warm taste of the wine soothed her frazzled nerves. She felt less like strangling everyone with a Y-Chromosome, if only slightly. 

Sakura stared at the alcohol momentarily, before wrapping shaky fingers around the ivory cup and throwing it back in one gulp. Abruptly, she yelled out to the empty shop. "I am not going to lose!" she huffed, slamming the cup on the counter angrily. "Naruto has liked me way longer than that pig." She said smugly, smirking to herself and tossing her hair, a full transformation from the blubbering mess moments before. Ayame smiled at her. She admired her confidence. "I will have him. Watch me." Sakura grinned. The brunette nodded at her, to show her support. 

Ayame was a less than surprised that Sakura had gotten a crush on her blonde teammate. She had suspected it from the way she acted around him. She was rather glad the kunoichi had come to realize it herself, since she knew Naruto had a thing for her, or at least he had. Lately, he had been coming into the shop with the Yamanaka woman rather frequently. Still, Ayame hoped that Sakura could convey her feelings to Naruto in a way that she herself could not seem to communicate to Chouji.

It was at that moment that Naruto entered the shop with the blonde girl, causing Sakura to squeal and throw herself over the bar counter. She scrambled to hide as the two seated themselves at one of the tables Teuchi had installed in the addition he had built in the previous year. Sakura peeked at them from in between the stacks of bowls, glaring. 

It was also in that moment that Ayame lost a lot of respect for Sakura.

\- 0 -

_Earlier in Ino and Naruto's Apartment_

"A date, huh?" Ino peered at Naruto over the rim of her glass. She took a sip of orange juice and contemplated his question. They were eating breakfast. It was a simple one of eggs over rice with a side of toast. She hadn't really felt like cooking that morning, but thankfully Naruto was alright with nearly anything that was provided as long as it was edible. 

"Yeah!" the other blonde smiled at her sheepishly, "We have been dating for a week now and living together for six and I thought we should try and go out or something." He didn't meet her gaze directly, blushing furiously as he stumbled over his words. Ino couldn't help but smile. Naruto had such confidence on the battlefield, yet he was so sweet and shy when it came to girls and romance. She brought a mouthful of rice to her lips and chewed for a few moments, enjoying the sight of him twiddling his thumbs nervously as he awaited her answer.

Ino swallowed and spoke, "I have a lot of errands today, but why don't you come with me and we'll make a day of it?" she asked. He perked up, looking her directly in the eyes and grinning ear to ear. 

"Okay!" Naruto agreed, immediately returning to his food. His previous nervousness forgotten, he began talking a mile-a-minute about anything and everything. Ino sat quietly, listening to him and finishing her own meal. She smiled to herself. She was actually enjoying having Naruto as a roommate and a boyfriend. He may have been childish and rather dimwitted at times, but he was also incredibly loyal and attentive. The devious Yamanaka grinned at the thought of Sakura's face at the brunch barely a week before. She had been infuriated at the notion of the two blondes in a relationship.

Ino had always loved pissing Sakura off. 

She would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy the fact that Naruto used to have a crush on her large-foreheaded best friend and now liked her instead. Ino loved Sakura deeply and valued their friendship, but that didn't change the fact that a natural animosity existed between them. They would forever be interlocked in eternal rivalry. Ino had not chosen to date Naruto to one-up Sakura, she genuinely liked him. It was simply icing on the cake that their relationship just so happened to ruffle her feathers.

Naruto finished his meal and picked up the plates on the table. He leaned over to give Ino a quick peck on the lips before running to the sink to wash them. Ino smirked, _"You don't know what you're missing, Sakura-Chan!"_ she thought to herself.

\- 0 -

_Ichiraku_

Sakura watched Naruto and Ino from behind the counter with the tenacity of a hawk eyeing its prey. She barely noticed the strange way in which the brunette waitress eyed her before shaking her head disdainfully and walking over to the table to ask Naruto and Ino for their orders. Sakura strained to hear them, but to no avail. She had to be closer. She had to know what they were saying.

The rose-haired kunoichi pushed her body flat against the ground and army crawled behind the counter until she reached the plants by the wall. Using whatever shinobi-skills she could muster, she flattened herself against the wall and hid behind the fauna, inching closer to the table where the couple was chatting. 

"So what is your plan for today, Ino-Chan?" Naruto asked. He thought it would be best if they did his errands first, which only included picking up more instant ramen from _Ichiraku_. While Ayame filled their order, the two sat at a nearby table to discuss their agenda for the day. Sakura frowned, she didn't like the way Naruto used the suffix _chan_ when he spoke to Ino.

"I really only need to pick up some needles at the weapons shop and a book I specially ordered at the bookstore." Ino explained, "I figured once that was done we could get some ice cream or something." She tucked a stray piece of golden hair behind her ear casually as she spoke. She was dressed informally in a flowing light blue dress made of light materials that swirled around her. It cut off just above her knee and she had paired it tan sandals that had just the slightest bit of a heel.

"Oh, that sounds fun!" Naruto replied, enthusiastically. Sakura could see him getting visibly more excited, his legs jittering beneath the table with his anticipation. She glowered at the couple. She was going to follow them and see if this whole "relationship" thing was for real. She needed to know if Naruto had really given up on her

Ayame came staggering out of the back room, a huge case filled with instant ramen packages, labeled with the _Ichiraku_ logo, clutched in her skinny arms. She began to make her way back to the table when she stumbled a little, the box nearly slipping from her grasp. Like a flash of lightning, Naruto jumped to his feet and caught the box, "I got it Ayame-Chan." He told her, lifting the case from her arms with one hand as easily as if it were made of paper. "Thank you very much." He set the case down on the chair he had vacated and fished his frog coin purse out of his pocket. Clicking the gaping mouth open, he tugged a few bills out of it and slid them into her hand. She smiled gently and thanked him. He didn't notice that she was glancing past him at the plants on the wall. Sakura pushed a finger to lips and shushed her. 

Ayame shook her head again and walked back behind the counter.

"Well, now that we have this we can get going, right?" Naruto asked, picking up the case and placing it on his shoulder. "I'll run back to the house quickly to drop this off and meet you at the weapons shop. Sound good?" 

"Yeah, that's great." Ino said, pushing herself up from the table. She placed her hands on the table and leaned over it, puckering her lips. Naruto took her cue and leaned down to give her a kiss. It only lasted a second, but it was enough to make Sakura want to rip Ino's lips off. Naruto broke the kiss, blushing deeply, and rushed out the door at top speed. Sakura ground her teeth. She looked daggers at her best friend, hoping her glare might ignite Ino. The roseate kunoichi pursed her lips. She had to bite her tongue to keep from screaming. 

She watched Ino as she stood silently for a moment, watching the door. She was also blushing lightly, humming like a schoolgirl. The blonde shook her head and smiled to herself, skipping out the door without so much as a word to the waitress. 

Ayame watched the plants expectantly. 

Sakura shot up from behind the plants, a few leaves sticking haphazardly in her hair. Her face was twisted in an expression torn between depression and anger. She stomped towards the door, stopping abruptly to look over her shoulder at Ayame. "Thanks for the drink!" she snapped at the brunette, before exiting the ramen shop with purpose. Ayame watched her go, smiling to herself while she scrubbed the bar counter. 

_"Absolutely perfect for each other."_ She thought to herself, grinning devilishly.

\- 0 -

_The Weapons Shop_

Sakura entered the weapons shop, glancing around her to make sure that neither Naruto nor Ino spotted her. Luckily, she didn't see either flaxen haired individual. It seemed that she had arrived before both of them, so she slid quietly in between two of the aisles and peeked around the corner, waiting patiently for one of them to arrive. 

"Sakura-Chan!" 

She nearly jumped out of her skin, whipping around to find herself face-to-face with the brunette weapons expert. "TenTen!" she exhaled, relived. "I thought you were someone else." Sakura explained, running her fingers through her hair, exasperatedly. She pulled a leaf from her hair and wondered momentarily how and when it had gotten there, but quickly dismissed the thought and tossed it aside.

A smile played on TenTen's lips. She gave the pink-haired kunoichi a once over, scrutinizing her with pinpoint precision. She met her gaze and grinned, "You're doing something bad!" she said in a sing-song voice. Sakura flushed, _was she a psychic or something?_

"I" she began but the brunette cut her off, wagging a finger under her nose.

"You can't fool me!" TenTen grinned, her voice melodious with excitement. Sakura cursed her bad fortune, of _all_ the people she could have run into while tailing Naruto and Ino, it _had_ to be the little dual-bunned gossip. "What are you up to? Can I come?" TenTen asked her, bouncing on her toes eagerly. 

"I" Sakura began, but her voice died in her throat when she heard the tinkle of the bell at the entrance of the shop. Without thinking, she rushed over to the end of the aisle with TenTen hot on her heels. She slowly peered around the edge and saw Ino entering the store. The blonde looked around the entrance area, obviously searching for someone. Sakura gnashed her teeth and prayed she had the willpower not to attack her on the spot.

"Oh, it's just Ino-Chan." TenTen stated lamely, noticeably disappointed. It was quite obvious she had been expecting someone much more exciting. She leaned over Sakura, deciding to invite Ino along on their little excursion. "H!" she started to call the blonde, but Sakura whipped around and slammed a hand over her mouth. Ino glanced around for the source of the noise for a second, before dismissing it and walking off in the opposite direction towards the needles. 

It took TenTen a moment to register the shock of being silenced so abruptly before she began to put two-and-two together. Her big, fawn-colored eyes widened with the realization of what was going on. She tried to speak, but Sakura still hadn't removed her hand. Angrily, she stuck her tongue out and flattened it, running the expanse of it across Sakura's palm. "EWW!" Sakura yelped, whipping her hand away from TenTen's face and wiping it vigorously on her tanned skirt.

"Why are you tailing Ino?" TenTen demanded, "And keep in mind if you don't tell me, I will find out anyway and I _may_ just tell Ino-Chan I saw you here." TenTen smirked. She licked her lips. If gossip was food, she would be bigger than Chouji. A few more teeny pushes and the walls of Sakura's barely standing resolve would come crumbling to the ground.

Sakura bit her lip and began to shake. Her pent-up emotions were finally beginning to take a toll on her. "II" she began, stumbling over her words, unsure of where to begin. She knew how incredibly crazy she looked right now. Hell, she was basically a stalker. Her face reddened visibly at the thought. 

TenTen raised her eyebrows and wiggled them playfully, taunting her. Suddenly, she snapped. Her will broken, Sakura found the story tumbling from her lips faster than her brain could keep up with it.

As if a dam had broken inside her, all the feelings she had been wrestling with for the past six years came rumbling to the surface. "I love Naruto." Sakura said, matter-of-factly. The moment the words were spoken aloud she realized how very true they were. Suddenly, this entire endeavor didn't seem as crazy as she knew it was. TenTen stared at her, mouth slightly agape. "I love him." She repeated, "I love him so much it hurts and _she_ took him. She took him before I knew I loved him and it isn't fair. He loved me first!" Sakura seethed. 

TenTen was taken aback. She had had some mild suspicions about Sakura's feelings for Naruto, especially since the incident at the breakfast, but she had never actually expected her to say it. A huge, unabashed grin broke out on her face. "Well, good for you for finally admitting it!" the brunette patted Sakura's shoulder affectionately, "That still doesn't explain why you're here, though." TenTen pointed out. She paused for a moment, before asking, "Are you going to murder Ino?"

Sakura's brow furrowed and she frowned, "I was thinking about it." She admitted, not meeting her gaze. TenTen couldn't help but smile at that look of murderous contemplation that could only be worn by a jilted teenage girl. "Naruto is going to be here soon. They're going on a _date_." the pink-haired girl said the word with venom, "I decided to follow them and see if you know," she struggled momentarily, fighting back tears that threatened to escape, "If he's really given up on me." She finished. 

The brunette couldn't help but be touched by her plight, "I'll help." She insisted, touching her shoulder. Sakura looked up to meet the misty-eyed gaze of the weapons expert, fighting back her own sympathetic tears. She raised a rose-shaded eyebrow and quickly dismissed the spectacle as one of the many unknown quirks of Noname TenTen.

"Fine, you can help." Sakura agreed. TenTen let out an excited squeal, moving to throw her arms around the taller kunoichi when Sakura stopped her, "But you cannot tell anyone about this, TenTen. I mean it." She said, sternly. TenTen flashed her a wanton smile, to which Sakura glared and whispered, "Seriously, if any of this gets back to either Naruto or Ino. I will put you through a wall." Sakura snarled. TenTen's eyes widened slightly and she nodded enthusiastically.

"I won't. I won't." TenTen reassured her, still maintaining her thousand-watt smile. She hoped that her voice didn't betray her, since inside she was shaking with fear at the very real possibility of the pink-haired kunoichi snapping her body in twain and tossing it into a dumpster somewhere.

As if on cue, Naruto entered the Weapons Shop.

Alerted by the welcoming chime of the bell, Sakura and TenTen shot to the end of the aisle and peered around the display of shuriken. Naruto had abandoned his usual training outfit and dressed instead in an fitted green tee shirt and black pants. His blue necklace offset nicely against the fabric of his top. 

Sakura felt herself blushing. It was almost as if she was seeing Naruto for the first time. _Was he always this toned?_ She wondered to herself as her eyes raked over his chest and down his exposed arms. She forced herself to push the more provocative images rising to the surface to of her thoughts aside and focus on the situation at hand.

"Naruto-Kun, over heeeeereee!" Ino popped out from the aisle at the other end of the shop, waving at the blonde ninja and calling to him in a voice so girly it nearly sparkled. Naruto visibly brightened when he saw Ino, and the Sakura felt her stomach drop. He practically _skipped_ over to her.

Sakura felt a sharp tug on her arm, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Let's go." TenTen whispered harshly, pulling Sakura back up the aisle and towards the opposite end of the shop. "We're never going to hear them over here." the brunette explained. The pink-haired kunoichi nodded to show her understanding. Sakura had to trust in TenTen's superior knowledge when it came to obtaining information for the rumor mill. She followed the brunette as she tip-toed through the store and into the aisle next to the one the blonde-couple was currently residing in. 

TenTen took long, slow steps on the very tips of her toes towards the end of the aisle and stretched as far as she could without revealing her location. She pulled a mirror out of the pack on her leg and adjusted the angle until Naruto and Ino were visible. She waved Sakura over.

Sakura stared momentarily, awed at what she could only assume was the greatest unknown asset in all of Konohagakure, the information acquiring skills of Noname TenTen. 

Finally, she inched her way over and crouched beneath TenTen, cupping her hand to her ear and straining to hear the discussion between the lovers merely one aisle over. The moment Naruto spoke though she nearly jumped out of her skin. It was in that moment she realized all this effort was really quite stupid, the boy had no volume control.

"Sorry I'm late, Ino-Chan!" Naruto boomed, looking slightly shamefaced. He tucked his hands into his pockets and looked at the ground, treading on his sandals slightly. Ino pushed his arm lightly and he met her gaze. She smiled at him, light blue eyes twinkling.

"Don't worry about it." Ino said playfully, tossing her flaxen ponytail behind her. "I just got here myself, actually." she admitted, "Now what kind of needles do you think I should get?" she asked him, holding up two hollow needles and staring at them intently. "I was thinking I might go a bit thinner. They hold slightly less poison, but they're lighter and easier to manipulate so I could carry more and throw more." Ino flipped the lighter needle in left hand for emphasis as she spoke, rolling it through her fingers with ease and dexterity. 

"It would also cost less, since they sell them in bulk, but the lack of poison means that the enemy isn't guaranteed dead, you know?" she spoke quickly, almost as if she was talking to herself but Naruto listened intently, staring at the silvery needles in her hands. "Whereas these larger ones cost more and require more poison, but if I hit the guy he's definitely dead! But there's the problem, these things are weighted and my aim might be off. I'll have fewer shots and might not even hit the fucker!" Ino glowered at the offending weapons her hands, as if they could give her the answers she needed. 

Naruto was not too familiar with the use of needles in combat. He had used them a few times at the Academy, but not much since then. He rubbed his chin in contemplation, as if stroking an invisible beard. He stared at the needles intensely, "Can I see?" he asked her. Ino looked up just in time to see him reach for one of the needles in her hand. Her eyes widened slightly.

"Caref" her warning came too late. Naruto yelped as the smaller of the two needles punctured his index finger. A small blush of crimson rose to the surface almost immediately, dripping down his finger and onto the floor. Even for a first-class shinobi, Naruto was still a klutz. Ino hurriedly set the weapons back on the shelf and took Naruto's hand into her own, bringing the finger up to her mouth. "Are you okay?" she cooed, "Here, I can make it better." she reassured him, kissing the tip of his injured finger and taking it into her mouth.

Ino caressed his finger with her tongue, swirling it around the tip of the digit and breathing hotly onto into the cut. Naruto stiffened, his face turning crimson. She suckled gently, just barely nibbling at the base of his knuckle with her teeth and he felt all the blood that was in his finger rush elsewhere. He honestly thought he might faint. No woman should be allowed to be this sexy. 

Sakura tried to pounce from her position, but TenTen grabbed her and sat on her shoulders, preventing her from further movement. She proceeded to remove the rose-haired kunoichi's head-band and stuff it into her mouth so that she couldn't scream out the profanity so desperately trying to escape her lips. 

Ino released Naruto's finger with a little pop and smiled up at him. "Better?" she asked, her voice seductive. The taller blonde nodded dumbly and Ino smiled sweetly. Sakura wondered fleetingly how she would look without those lips, because she just might rip them off.

"II think you should get the thin ones. They're pretty ggood." Naruto stuttered, unable to think of what else to say. Ino grinned, cat-like in quality. Her eyes glistened with unreadable emotion and Naruto felt his heartbeat speed up. She expertly grabbed a handful of the thinner needles without so much as a pin-prick and held out her free hand to him. He took it and she lead him towards the register.

Sakura ripped the headband from her mouth and glared after the pair, "I'm gonna kill her." she snarled.

\- 0 -

_The Book Store_

 _Icha Icha Shoten_ was the only bookstore in Konohagakure. It used to be a cabaret club, owned by the notorious Ero-Sennin that he turned into an adult bookstore primarily to sell his erotic novels. After his death, a local man named Moritaka Hiro purchased the store and renovated it so that is sold all types of books rather than just smut. Out of respect for the deceased shinobi, he kept the name and a small section of erotica in the back.

TenTen and Sakura arrived mere seconds after Naruto and Ino, having tailed them out of the weapons shop and down the street, hiding behind various vendors and plant life. TenTen had even provided a giant sheet painted to look like the fences that ran throughout the streets of Konoha that they could use to camouflage themselves when no fauna was available. She had whipped this item from the tiny pack on her leg; a pack Sakura was quickly learning defied the laws of physics.

For his part, Naruto was completely oblivious to the two women stalking him and his date. Even though they made quite a ruckus, diving into buckets of produce and leaping behind trees like epileptic ballerinas whenever either blonde even motioned to stop or turn behind them.

Ino on the other hand, had a nagging feeling that someone might be watching them, but every time she looked behind her she saw nothing but slightly perturbed shopkeepers and frustrated citizens. She figured it must be "one of those days" and shrugged off her worries. 

The two kunoichi slid into the _Icha Icha Shoten_ as quietly as possible, barely cracking the door so they wouldn't ring the little welcoming bell above their heads. TenTen spotted the blondes and motioned towards Sakura. They slithered towards the very back of the store, near enough to keep the couple within earshot, but not near enough to be seen. 

Sakura and her dark-haired partner-in-crime looked at one another and nodded the affirmative. They both crouched behind a low shelf and peeked above the stacks of books, watching the pair with complete fixation. Ino still had her hand tucked securely into Naruto's, her fingers interlocked with his. The fuchsia-haired girl frowned, she really didn't like the way he was looking at her.

"Why, hello!" 

For the second time that day, Sakura thought her heart was going to stop. Both she and TenTen scrambled to their feet. Thankfully, at that same moment, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Ino drag Naruto down another aisle of books and out of their line of vision. She sighed, inwardly. _At least they won't spot me and TenTen_ , she thought to herself, relived. Sakura turned to face her newest tormentor.

Sakura's looked up to find a man with shaggy silver hair, like needles made touchable, falling over a covered eye. His visible eye was crinkled up in a smile she was all too familiar with, mischievous and playful. His lips were hidden beneath a mask, but his voice was clear and mellifluous. He was a man who was both her sensei and her friend. Hatake Kakashi. 

_God dammit_

"Hhello Kakashi-Sensei." She said, thickly. Sakura could barely meet his gaze. She hoped she sounded put-together and not like she was tailing one of his former students as if she was a crazed murder with a mother-complex and an axe to grind.

"Whatever are you girls doing here?" Kakashi inquired, his eye glistening impishly. He had his hands tucked into his pockets, leaning casually against a bookcase. He peered down at them like a cat toying with his pray just before he gulps it down. Sakura felt uneasy, she had seen that look before and it never ended well. She fidgeted, picking at stray pieces of fabric on the edges of her gloves and smiled at him uneasily. There is no possible way he has any idea what we've been doing, she reassured herself.

"We're" TenTen began, her eyes darting around the store for an answer. "here to buy BUY A BOOK! Yeah, that's it. Buy a book!" she finished with a triumphant look on her face, as if it were incredibly difficult to have come up with that excuse. Kakashi's eye lit up and the fabric covering his lips curled at the corners with his widening grin.

"Here? In this section?" Kakashi asked. TenTen nodded enthusiastically and Kakashi burst out laughing. Sakura glared at the taller man. _What was his problem?_ She was starting to get pissed. Her week had been unbearable and she was at her limit. The last thing she needed was her former sensei giggling at her and TenTen like a damned schoolgirl.

Sakura snatched a book from the nearest shelf, without looking at it and thrust it under the silver-haired man's nose. "We're here to buy this book!" she stated, nearly shouting. She saw Kakashi's visible eye widen a little as he looked at the cover. His smile became even larger, becoming nearly devilish.

" _Bumping Clams_ " he read aloud, " _A Guide to Lesbian Sex_. I see, so this is for you two?"

It was in that moment that Haruno Sakura realized she was in the _Adults Only_ section of the bookstore.

Sakura went white. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears. Here she was trying to convince her former sensei she wasn't an insane stalker and now she had managed to make him think she was some kind of sex pervert on par with _him_. She felt sick. What if he told other people she was a lesbian? _God forbid Ino hear_. Her thoughts whirred like a tornado of the brain, making it difficult to focus on the situation at hand. She felt a hand on her.

TenTen snaked her arm around Sakura's waist, pulling the pink-haired girl into her possessively and sneered at Kakashi, "And what it was, Hatake? Got a problem?" she asked. She stood on her tip-toes and planted a kiss on Sakura's cheek, causing the taller kunoichi to turn stark white and then an impressive shade of cherry red.

Kakashi chortled. "No, why would I?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow. "I _am_ with Iruka in case you've forgotten." he reminded her. The double-bunned brunette grinned up at him, leaning her head on Sakura's shoulder. The pink-haired kunoichi was frozen in shock, unable to speak.

"Perhaps we should double date." TenTen suggested, teasingly.

"TenTen, seriously! Shut the fuck up!" Sakura snarled. Finally regaining the ability to move, she had disentangled herself from the weapons expert and proceeded to beat her over the head with the lesbian sex guide. TenTen shielded herself from Sakura's blows, laughing like a hyena. 

Kakashi wrestled the book away from Sakura and re-shelved it. "I already knew you weren't gay Sakura-Chan. Did you think I was stupid?" he asked her, unable to keep from giggling. "We've been on the same team for quite a few years, I think I might have noticed if you were checking out other kunoichi." Kakashi said, returning his gaze to her. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave her a skeptical look, "Now, why are you here? Really?"

Sakura frowned and looked at TenTen, who remained surprisingly silent. She made a zipping motion across her lips to show Sakura that she would keep her mouth shut until she wanted to reveal her secret. The rose-haired girl appreciated the sentiment and gave her a small smile, turning back to face her sensei with a determined look.

"Let's just say I'm on a personal mission." Sakura stated. 

Kakashi kept his gaze level with hers for a moment before silently nodding. He had been around Sakura long enough to know that she would tell him whatever it was she wanted to tell him when she was ready. The silver-haired man fought a smile. He had some ideas what her little secret might be and it delighted him. He patted her head gently and she smiled. "Alright, go for it." 

Sakura smirked.

\- 0 -

_Meanwhile_

Ino pulled Naruto into the aisle closest to them. The book she wanted wasn't in this section, it was a new arrival on the indigenous plant-life of Kumogakure, and it was a couple aisles to their right, but she wanted a few moments alone with her blonde paramour away from prying eyes. She knew it was crazy, but she couldn't shake the feeling they were being watched.

They walked into the aisle to find another couple browsing for books. 

Uchiha Sasuke and Temari were paging through some of the books on the shelves, talking quietly amongst themselves. Sasuke leaned over Temari's shoulder, pointing at a few titles. She shook her head gently and murmured something to him, indicating another book. He nodded in agreement and muttered something in her ear. She smiled.

Suddenly, their keen shinobi senses picked up the presence of others in the aisle. Temari and Sasuke looked up, their faces nonplussed. Naruto waved enthusiastically, squeezing Ino's hand. Ino smiled as well and wiggled her fingers in greeting. She was a tad disappointed that she wouldn't be able to do the naughty things she had planned, but she also knew that her boyfriend would want to flaunt his new relationship in the face of his rival, a compulsion she understood all too well. She didn't mind this time especially, since Uchiha Sasuke had turned her down in the past.

"Hello Ino-San, Naruto-San." Temari said, smiling softly. Though her voice was quiet and her smile innocent, her lips seemed to curve up at the edges almost devilishly. Her green eyes glittered like chips of emerald as she observed the pair. She placed the book she was holding back on the shelf and brushed a piece of sandy hair off her face. "It's good to see you. How are you?"

"Just fine," Ino said, coolly. "We're on a date." She pulled Naruto into her and smiled at the other couple. Ino thought she saw sand-ninja raise an eyebrow, but the look of skepticism vanished in a millisecond and was replaced with a pleased expression. 

"That's great." the other woman beamed, clasping her hands together. Sasuke smiled as well, but stayed silent. "We're just here getting baby books. You know, _What to Expect While You're Expecting_ and all that jazz." Temari said, gesturing to the rows and rows of books beside her. "There's just so many to choose from, we don't even know where to start." she sighed. 

"We're stuck." Sasuke agreed, wrapping his arm around his wife in a defeated gesture. 

"The great genius, Sasuke-Kun is STUCK?" Naruto gasped in faux-horror, his hands flying to his cheeks in his mock terror. His performance only lasted a few seconds before he started to guffaw. Sasuke prickled and the blonde smirked. The raven haired man clucked his tongue in distaste. 

"Perhaps I now know what it feels like to be you, eh dobe?" Sasuke sneered. Naruto glared, pursing his lips in obvious distaste. His teammate flashed him a grin. Naruto opened his mouth to retort, but Ino cut him off quickly, hoping to diffuse the situation before it turned into an all-out catfight and ruined their very first date. 

"So how far along are you?" Ino asked in an attempt to break the tension. Sasuke and Naruto stopped glaring at one another and refocused their attention on Temari, who had kept that saccharine smile on her face throughout the entire exchange without a single falter. 

"Seven weeks." She replied, patting her stomach thoughtfully. She smiled down at the bulge peeking from beneath the folds in her navy wrap. 

"Wasn't Sasuke gone three months, are you sure it's his?" Naruto asked bluntly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Naruto!" Ino squealed, slapping him forcefully in the arm. The hit barely seemed to register; he was used to the power-punches of a certain pink-haired young woman. 

"It's mine, asshole." Sasuke spat. He rolled his obsidian eyes, implying the absurdity of Naruto's unfounded accusations. "Temari went back home to Sunagakure three months ago and when we had a break in negotiations I went to visit her." he replied, placing a hand on top of his wife's on her stomach and glaring at the whisker-cheeked blonde.

Temari grinned devilishly, "It most certainly is Sasuke-Kun's child. I remember the night quite clearly." She said, her voice sultry. Her emerald eyes glimmered seductively beneath heavy lids and the blonde couple quickly found their heads filled with unwanted images of the Uchihas passionate night of conception in Sunagakure. 

Naruto blushed intensely. He hated to picture Sasuke with his wife, because no matter how attractive Temari may be nothing could make him want to fill his brain with image of naked Sasuke. Ino baulked as well, gripping her date's hand forcefully and attempting to control the level of her voice as she excused them from the maternity section, "Wwe have to go, I have a book I need to pick up and we need to continue our date." Ino fought the embarrassed stutter in voice.

Sasuke and Temari beamed as if they had not just scarred two people mentally for life. "Of course, we'll see you later." Temari said, "I have my baby shower coming up soon." she reminded them. The Uchihas waved and said their good-byes as Naruto and Ino quickly backed out of the aisle.

"What do you think of the couple?" Sasuke smirked, wrapping his arms around his wife's back and kissing the nape of her neck. She didn't turn to look at him but reached up and cupped his cheek, her smile suddenly bordering more on mischievous than sweet.

"I haven't decided." Temari said, shaking her head and returning to the bookshelf. "Let's see how your teammate handles it..." she grinned playfully.

\- 0 -

_Konohagakure_

After finishing their discussion with Kakashi, Sakura and TenTen had exited the _Icha Icha Shoten_ and started to walk down the street back towards the main part of town. Sakura had not given up on Naruto, despite what she had seen of his date. She knew she could win him back from the clutches of Ino-Pig. However, she couldn't keep tailing them for the rest of her life, nor could she have continued to watch them in the bookstore without Kakashi discovering what she was up to. It was best to call it quits for the day and head back home.

TenTen was less than thrilled to abandon her gossip mission, but complied with Sakura's wishes, mostly out of fear for her physical health. She fluttered next to the pensive kunoichi like a tiny, hyperactive butterfly. It was all she could do to release the excess energy she wanted to waste talking about everything and everyone. They walked in silence for nearly ten minutes.

At that moment, Sakura's ears pricked up. She heard Ino's voice coming from behind them. The pink-haired kunoichi felt a familiar panic welling inside her, she didn't want them wondering why her and TenTen were on this side of town. She grabbed the brunette and tugged her behind a vending station that had an _Out to Lunch_ sign on it, accidently knocking it off its perch. She didn't bother to fix it.

"That was awful! I seriously need some ice cream therapy." Ino moaned, running her fingers through her flaxen mane.

"I could not agree more." Naruto nodded enthusiastically, "I need to wipe those images from my head!" he groaned. He desperately rubbed his temples with his hands, as if trying to wipe the images from his brain. They looked at each other momentarily than laughed. Naruto grabbed her hand and they walked over towards the stands.

"Here's an ice cream stand." Ino pointed out, her voice far too close for Sakura's comfort. Ino leaned over the counter of the stand and her flaxen ponytail hit Sakura in the face. The pink-kunoichi nearly screamed, scrambling underneath the empty part of the stand with the dual-bunned gossip, attempting to contort themselves to fit in such a small space. They held their breath, praying that the blonde woman did not spot them, "But it doesn't look like anyone's here." she said sadly, turning to Naruto.

"If they were out, they would have put up a sign." The whisker-faced boy looked around the top and sides of the stand as well, yet failed to see the two kunoichi hiding beneath it. Sakura looked at TenTen, a desperate expression on her face. 

" _What do we do?_ " she mouthed. The brunette bit her lip, her eyes darting around. It hit her. She grabbed one of the triangular paper-caps from underneath the stand and shoved it at Sakura. Sakura struggled with the flimsy hat, trying to tuck her pink hair beneath it. The weapons expert snatched one of the neatly folded, spare aprons and tugged it over Sakura's head, knocking the cap askew. The pink-haired girl fumbled to tie the strings.

TenTen then extracted a giant, black, handlebar mustache from the pack on her leg. Sakura's brow furrowed, lines appearing in her generous forehead. She shook her head, but TenTen ignored her and stuck the hairy monstrosity to her upper-lip forcefully. She then proceeded to pinch her leg, causing Sakura to shoot to her feet, hitting her head on the stand.

"FUCK!" 

Sakura snarled, pulling herself from underneath the stand. _"This is NOT going to work."_ she thought to herself, as she turned to face the couple with a smile plastered on her face. Her pink hair was frazzled, sticking out from beneath the pill-box paper cap haphazardly. She was dressed in a stained navy apron that was falling off one shoulder, revealing her scarlet tank-top underneath. Her faux facial hair was stuck side-ways on her lip.

The moment Sakura stood up, TenTen realized there may have been a few flaws in her plan.

Ino's baby-blue eyes widened momentarily then narrowed in a glare. It took her about three seconds to deduce who had been following her all day, "What are you doing here, B?"

"BOB!" Sakura cut her off dramatically, "My name is Bob. I am new in the town." She spoke in an extremely flawed accent, chopping up her sentences a way she hoped would make her undetectable, but she knew just made her look stupider. Hey, if she was going to make an ass of herself, she wasn't going to do it half way. Underneath the stand, TenTen slapped her hand to her forehead.

"Oh come on, S"

For the second time in only a few minutes, Ino was cut off forcefully, "Hi Bob-San! Welcome to Konohagakure!" Naruto greeted his teammate, his cerulean eyes glimmering. Sakura and Ino stared at him, dumbstruck. There was no sense of irony in his voice. It was quite clear he had bought into her ruse.

Ino bit the inside of her cheek. If Naruto had not realized what an idiot his former-love was, then she wasn't going to let the little witch ruin her first date. Instead, some teasing was in order. The flaxen-haired girl grinned, "Why yes _Bob_ , it's quite nice to meet you. We were wondering if we could have some ice cream?" she asked, batting her eyelashes. "It's our first date today and this guy is just _so hot_. I need something to cool down!" Ino giggled stupidly, tugging Naruto into her.

"Aww, come on Ino-Chan!" Naruto said, reddening. He smiled sheepishly, scratching his cheek. "Bob-San doesn't need to know that." he seemed more than a little pleased though, and gave Ino a quick peck on the nose. She looked Sakura directly in the eye and grinned. The pink-haired girl ground her teeth.

Sakura clenched her eyes shut, praying for the strength to keep from forcing an ice cream scoop into Ino's eye. "Ja." she said coldly, "It is so nice to see the first loves." the pink-haired kunoichi forced a smile, grabbing the ice cream scoop from small shelf underneath the stand and twirling it in her hand, "What can I get yous?" she asked, gripping the scoop's silver-handle so forcefully it began to take on the form of her hand.

"Can I get a strawberry, Bob-San?" Naruto asked, enthusiastically. He smiled at her. It was the same wide, toothy grin he used with everyone, but Sakura found herself more taken with it now than she had ever been in the past. Fleetingly, she began to question when it had happened. When had she fallen so hard for Naruto? More importantly, why did she have the terrible fucking luck to realize it only after Ino had already taken him?

"Jja." She whispered, in her own voice. Thankfully the blonde vessel didn't seem to notice.

"I'll have a vah-nil-lah." Ino spoke her request with force, sounding out every syllable and pulling Sakura back into reality, a reality where she was currently a badly dressed man with a flimsy paper hat and a handlebar moustache.

Sakura locked eyes with Ino and neither moved for a moment. The pink-haired girl sucked her teeth and nodded. She pushed the top of the freezer up and peered inside. She grabbed pointed-cone from one of the wire stands. Sakura shoveled a scoop of pale ice-cream into the cone and smashed it down as gently as her temper would allow, leaving a set of small cracks around the top and shoved it towards her best frienemy, "Here you goes." 

Ino took the cone in her delicate hand and flashed Sakura a smile. "Thank you, Bob-San." she said, tossing her hair. Sakura half-hoped she choked to death on that ice cream. She instead chose to busy herself by scooping Naruto's strawberry cone and handing it to him. He thanked her and she smiled weakly. 

"Will you hold this for me, Ino-Chan?" Naruto asked, holding the cone out to Ino. 

"Of course, cutie!" the flaxen-haired woman giggled like a school girl, taking the ice cream from him and smiling sweetly. Naruto blushed again, unable to keep that goofy grin off his face. Sakura gripped at the handle of the ice cream scoop so hard it snapped in her hand. She dropped it discreetly to the ground. From underneath the stand, TenTen eyed the metal mess and shivered at her inhuman strength.

"Here, Bob-San." Naruto pulled his frog-wallet out of his pocket and opened it. He tugged a bill out and handed it to Sakura. She nodded her thanks and unsure what to do with the cash, set it in the freezer, closing it with a vacuumed snap. She would add her own money later to pay for the damaged scoop.

Ino handed Naruto's ice cream back to him and he began eating immediately. She smiled and started to lick hers in an overtly seductive manner. She took her time to making broad, circular strokes around the entirety of the cream, leaving just a little bit of white on her lips before darting the very tip of her perfect pink tongue out lap it up. Naruto was mesmerized by her actions, barely able to eat his own ice cream, which began to melt in his hands.

Sakura watched her open-mouthed, _THE NERVE!_

"Oh, Naruto-Kun!" Ino gasped, "You have some ice cream on your lips! Let me get it for you!" she fussed, leaning forward and standing on her tip-toes she kissed him. Naruto met her lips eagerly, nearly forgetting they were in public. Ino snaked her tongue out and traced the outline of his lips, searching for traces of the invisible ice cream.

"ENOUGH!"

The words escaped Sakura's mouth before her brain had time to catch up. She slammed her hands down on the miserable ice cream stand with such force, she left cracks in its wooden foundation. TenTen, all but forgotten underneath, shielded her head and prayed that she survived the next few minutes.

"Bob-San?" Naruto said, his voice inquisitive. He and Ino broke their kiss and turned to face the mustachioed Sakura, who was fuming. Ino smirked, pulling away from Naruto and shaking her head. 

"No!" the pink-haired kunoichi confessed miserably, removing her moustache. Naruto gasped, taken aback. He was obviously surprised that the black-mustached man he had come to know as Bob was in fact his former-love Haruno Sakura. Ino gave him a weird look of non-belief as if to say, _"Really?"_ before adding her own over-the-top fake gasp, even going so far as to drop her ice cream. 

"SSakura-Chan!?" Naruto struggled with her name, trying to piece together the situation. There was no Bob. Sakura was the one who had served him and Ino ice cream. For some reason she had implemented a clever disguise so that she could approach him and Ino while they were on their date. He gnawed at his lip for a few more seconds before he returned his gaze to find it welling up with tears, "I don't understand."

"Yeah, I'm sorry." she apologized. She dropped her gaze, looking defeated. He could see her fighting back her tears actively now, trying her hardest not to cry in front of the woman he knew to be both her best friend and her worst enemy. Suddenly, he felt like his heart was being wrung out like a wet dishcloth. He hated when she was distressed. Every feeling he thought he had put aside was beginning to resurface and he realized that even if he cared for Ino (and he did), he might still have _some_ feelings for Haruno Sakura.

"Why?" he asked her. 

"Because" Sakura struggled, looking visibly strained. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and stuttered, "Because I" she stopped abruptly and he watched her close her eyes and take a calming breath. She opened her eyes and met his gaze. Her face was still tear-streaked and ruddy-cheeked, but her eyes shone like emeralds, glimmering with her determination.

"I LOVE YOU, NARUTO!"


End file.
